i love you very very much.

it never fails, my mom just gave me the best pep talk ever. i don't think she meant it to be. its just her way, but man, she really tore into me.

i got on the phone and told her i was buying a ticket for an August 1 visit. She got super excited and before she could even get another word out i started bawling. i mean snot dripping down my nose, uncontrollable sobbing (keep in mind i am still at work)... then she starts yelling at me. IF YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH STEVEN AGAIN I WILL HANG UP ON YOU! she was serious. so in between sobs, i laughed and said, no the other one. she says "who other one?" and i said "i told you about him. Tony."

and in her way she says "hmm (as in "i'm shrugging my shoulders and think what you're saying is stupid" hmmm), well, most men lie. most men cheat. we all have problems. you are not the only one. my friend J won't leave her husband even after she found out he has a girlfriend. so you are not the only one. don't cry. forget him. go camping (oh yeah, i'd managed to get out i was going up north with C + R for some camping relaxation). enjoy the green. and forget it...don't you dare follow around a man. women don't follow men around. never. if he loves you, you aren't chasing him. be chased for once. get over it. and next time, you bring him home to me. if he is worth it, we will meet and get along. be good. be happy. i'm excited to see you. i love you".

there is no one better than my mother. i love you.