time

way back in 1996, i fell in love with a boy named Andy. he was my first love.

Andy and i went to a high school so big, i had no idea he graduated with me. It wasn't until we got to VT (a school 25x bigger) that we met. i remember that day so well. i can tell you who i was with, where we were, what we said, where we went.

fast forward to 1999, i was coming back to VT to start my senior year and Andy was preparing to leave for Japan for his fourth year (he majored in engineering, so he had another year left). we'd been through 3 years of romantic turbulence, but i still loved him. in spite of everything that had gone down (and trust me, there was a lot), i was still in love with him. in fact, i was so in love, i'd said it to him on several occasions, but never heard it back. *note this scenario has happened several times since andy, so i guess i have andy to thank for teaching me how to be immune to not hearing "i love you" back*

the weekend before he left, andy came to visit me at school. it was that weekend that he finally told me he loved me. after 3+ years, he'd finally said it.

when andy left for japan, i believed he still loved me. however, after arriving in japan, andy slowly began to cease communication with me. i didn't understand it because he never said exactly what was going on. to this day, he's never explained what happened. i found out on my own he began seeing a girl over there. she would eventually become his wife.

today i found out he and his wife are expecting.
i'm not really sure what i'm supposed to think, do, say, feel....
is it upsetting? sure. but what does it matter or change? nothing.
it's done.