if you wear these, i will laugh at you

so i logged into facebook to make my next scrabulous move against J and there was a sponsored listing for "The Kate Spade jelly" on my homepage. I'm not sure what targeting mess sent a Kate Spade jelly ad to me, but time to refine it!

please take note: I WILL LAUGH AT YOU IF YOU WEAR JELLY SHOES. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE THEM BACK WHEN THEY WERE POPULAR POOL-SIDE IN THE 80S. EVERY TIME I SEE A PAIR ON A GROWN-ASS WOMAN, IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL A HO.

i was recently in BCBG picking up a dress or a pair of shoes or something and the dude helping me excitedly asked me "did you see our new jelly's?! they just came in!!". i ignored the comment because i'm starting to learn better to say nothing than to be a bitch. so he kept at it with the colors and finally i was like. "thanks but you'd have to pay me to wear jelly shoes. no one except little girls under the age of 10 should wear those. they are hideous". yes i said that. are you surprised? no. and i believe it. he laughed and was like "you know, you're right".

of course i'm right! thankfully, my friends are like-minded and would NEVER wear jelly shoes. (this is for those of you that at least considered it). don't.