DL 1948

I heart AirTran. I do. I've never had a horrid experience with them. I know everyone else has, but AirTran has always safely taken me to DC, Arizona, Puerto Rico, New York and California on the cheap. I only take Delta when I HAVE to. This means when I go overseas or need to get into the right Chicago airport - like yesterday.Now to be fair - I don't know if I should blame THE MOST AWFUL PLANE EXPERIENCE EVER solely on Delta because it was raining outside last night...HOWEVER (and I'm about to go Kanye here):

I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND THE LACK OF COMMUNICATION. IF WE'RE DELAYED, FINE. TELL ME AND TELL ME WHY. UPDATE THE GATE SCREEN. MAKE IT READ "DL 1948 CHICAGO-O'HARE DELAYED. NOW DEPARTING AT XX:XXPM" I SAT AT THAT FUCKING GATE THINKING MY FLIGHT WAS STILL LEAVING AT 8:09PM. AT 8:09PM, THE SCREEN WAS UPDATED TO 8:35PM. SERIOUSLY? YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT SOONER? WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS?!

WHEN WE ACTUALLY BOARDED (NOT DEPARTED) AT 8:35PM, IT TOOK FOREVER JUST TO PULL BACK FROM THE GATE. WE MUST HAVE SAT THERE AN HOUR. ACTUALLY, WE DID SIT THERE AN HOUR. THE DELAY? THE FUCKING TRANSFERS' LUGGAGE. WERE PASSENGERS UPDATED IN A TIMELY MANNER? NO. ABOUT 30 MINUTES AFTER WE'RE ALL SEATED AND DYING TO JUST MOVE BUT HEARING SOME BANGING GOING ON UNDERNEATH US, THE CAPTAIN COMES ON OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER AND SAYS "SORRY FOLKS, WE'LL PUSH OUT SOON. WE JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE'S LUGGAGE, INCLUDING OUR TRANSFERS, MAKE IT ONTO THE PLANE" DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I SHOULD BE FEELING SORRY FOR THE TRANSFERS. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR FUCKING LUGGAGE. DON'T MOST OF US ONLY DO CARRY-ON ANYMORE ANYWAY? JESUS!

AFTER AN ADDITIONAL 30 MINUTES AT THE GATE, WE FINALLY PULL BACK ONLY TO SIT FOR ANOTHER HOUR. THE CAUSE? APPARENTLY, FOUR OTHER PLANES DECIDED TO PULL BACK AT THE SAME EXACT TIME. HOW COINCIDENTAL. SIDENOTE: PILOTS REALLY HAVE YOU AT THE MERCY OF THEIR STATEMENTS - YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT FROM INSIDE THE PLANE. FOR ALL I KNOW THERE COULD HAVE BEEN SOME CRAZY PROTEST AGAINST DELAYED FLIGHTS GOING ON IN FRONT OF US AND I WOULDNT HAVE BEEN THE WISER. CAPTAIN LIAR OF DELTA FLIGHT 1948 DID UPDATE US ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR DELAY. KADOOZE. FUCK.

THEN WE START CRAWLING AT A GLACIAL PACE. C R A W L I N G. MIGHT I ADD ITS NOT RAINING OUT BUT WE'RE DELAYED FROM TAKING OFF DUE TO WEATHER - DO THE PASSENGERS KNOW THIS DIRECTLY FROM THE PILOT? NO. DEDUCTIVE LOGIC.

MY FLIGHT, WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED TO TAKE OFF AT 8:09 TOOK OFF AT 10:45ISH.

ONLY A PORTILLO'S HOT DOG COULD CHEER ME UP AFTER THIS DISASTER.

THANKS, NC (your nickname is coming.)

DVF

I really hate Dianne Von Furstenburg's designs, so imagine my disgust when I log into my blog this morning and there is an ad for her CRAP on my page. Now, I want to make that money and if you guys want to click on her ad, I'm not going to hate (this means, yes I'm going to hate). EW.

Pueblo Ingles

Since being accepted, I've generated tons of interest for the Pueblo Ingles program. Here's the site: PUEBLO INGLES!

Cute as a Bowl of Peaches!!!

I took a cab into work so as not to leave my car in the increasingly shady work parking lot. The MARTA station is right across the street from the building I work in, so it made sense until I remembered I hadn't asked anyone for a ride home on Monday afternoon. Eh.
My go-to cab company has always been Lenox. Not sure why. It just ended up on my speed dial. So this morning, my luggage and I walked over to CVS, bought a Red Bull, got some cash and waited on my cab.
I either get really quiet taxi drivers or really eccentric ones and today's was a doozy!
At first, I couldn't understand a word he was saying because he has no teeth. For real. He was an older dude and as he helped me with my bags I noticed he had no teeth - so when he began talking to me from the minute the car set off, I had to adjust.
No Teeth was definitely a talker though and I tried to pretend like there was something really fascinating about my phone so that he would stop, but he wasn't taking the hint, so I figured I may as well bite.

Mr. Taxi: "I got some jokes for you!"
Lola: "Oh yeah, let's hear them"
Mr. Taxi: "Would you believe you and I are on crack right now?"
Lola: "Err...no???"
Mr. Taxi: "We are"
Lola: "I'm pretty sure I'm not"
Mr. Taxi: "Are you sitting?"
Lola: "Yes"
Mr. Taxi: "So am I"
Lola: "ooookay"
Mr. Taxi: "We're both on our cracks!"

Here's another one...
Mr. Taxi: "What gets longer the more you pull on it, goes between your breasts and also goes in a hole?"
Lola (after awkward, uncomfortable laugh): "I have no idea"
Mr. Taxi: "Oh come on, guess, but it's not the obvious, dirty answer!"
Lola: "I really have no idea"
Mr. Taxi: "Your seat belt!"

Oh this one was stupid....
Mr. Taxi: "Where's your husband?"
Lola: "I don't have one"
Mr. Taxi: "Neither do I!"
Lola: "Good to hear"
Mr. Taxi: "Where's your boyfriend at?"
Lola: "Don't have one of those either"
Mr. Taxi: "SAME! You got a girlfriend?!?"
Lola: "Nope. Let me guess. You do?"
Mr. Taxi: "Girl you are quick! SEVERAL!"
Lola: "Well aren't those some lucky ladies?"

Several other of his stories during the 10 minute cab ride were about how he wasn't particularly fond of the gays or women who smelled bad. He did tell me repeatedly I was very pretty and at one point even told me I was as cute as a bowl of peaches. I think that's good?

As I exited the cab, Mr. Taxi says to me "BE SURE TO STAY OFF CRACK!". He even gave me a hug.

Thanks, buddy.

Just Want To Say

As much as I complain about being lonely, I'm REALLY glad I am not dating Steven anymore.

Listen Up America

VOTE EVAN OFF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!

VOTE FOR ANYONE ELSE. EVAN IS AWFUL!

AWFUL

AWFUL

AWFUL

AWFUL

AWFUL

HORRIBLE

AWFUL

HE SUCKS!

I HEART NICOLAS GHESQUIERE

all images courtesy Style.com/Marcio Madeira

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BALENCIAGA!
I'm probably the only one in my group of friends that appreciated Balenciaga's S/S 08 RTW collection. I very much appreciated the colors and the exaggerated angles on the shoulders and hips. Now Nicolas Ghesquière brings us disco luxe. Love it! Love it!

Fall Couture 2009

I tend to think Galliano excels with couture. The fall couture show wasn't groundbreaking, but it did remind me of very early, Coco Chanel Chanel.

Style.com's Sarah Mowrer writes:
Galliano said he'd been inspired by behind-the-scenes documentary photographs taken more than half a century ago as Monsieur Dior dressed his cabine of mannequins for shows. The conceit of half-dressed models informed the collection, so that hip-emphasizing basques, girdles, lace-edged slips, and petticoats were hybridized into brightly colored variations on the classic wasp-waisted silhouette of Dior's New Look. The effects—reworked Bar peplum jackets, draped bubble skirts, padded-hip coats, and full-skirted evening gowns—came punched up with a zinging palette of orange, lime, raspberry, and yellow, contrasted with the pretty flesh tones of fifties under-things. Nothing particularly novel, or even mildly shocking, but Galliano turned that to his advantage. It's a moment when reemphasizing house values is a wise tactical move.

all images courtesy of Style.com/Monica Feudi

What are the cool kids wearing?

Today I helped Sasha look for shoes to wear with the fab navy dress she wore to my birthday party. She's going to a wedding and needs to "dress her up". After looking for a bit we came to the conclusion she just needs to go to the mall and try a bunch of shoes on (painful, yes).
Anyway, the point is she started off by asking me what's in for fall and it reminded me that I hadn't done my annual review of the fall shows. I'm not sure how I missed it since you all know I la la la LOOOOOOOOOVE Dior and Monsieur Galliano...so I decided better late than never.
Dior's 09 F/W RTW show was all about Paul Poiret - one of my favorite French arteeests from the 20s. The designs are very much reminiscent of Poiret's orientalism and PURPLE! LOVE PURPLE! I'm not sure who the makeup artist was for this show, but they nailed the Poiret girl look. Check it:

photos courtesy of Style.com/Roberto Tecchio

How Bazzaar, How Bazzaar!

Farewell, Bazzaar. You will be missed!

Great farewell by my friend, Yones:

A fond farewell to a lounge that has become one Atlanta's nightlife mainstays in the latter half of this decade. My earliest memory of the space was when it was a restaurant called Terra di Sienna in 2001, and at that point was one of my favorite restaurants in the city. Then, that same year, Ryan Wofford (dj.inc) and Chris Sheehy did their very first TEMPO party on the weekend of Music Midtown with great success, and I remember thinking it would be an EXCELLENT space for a lounge. It went on to become Bacar Restaurant after Terra di Sienna closed, and in early Spring 2004, my good friend Bill Kaelin (who just came off the heels of superclub, eleven50-- now Opera) gave me my first behind-the-scenes sneak-peak at his latest development. I was overjoyed that space would finally become a lounge. I knew it would be an instant hit.

And here we are, five years later....longer than most club/lounge concepts last in our transient and A.D.D.-ridden town. Bazzaar has retained some of my most fun nights out, both as a patron and event promoter. Bazzaar is one of those unique spaces with the uncanny ability to be all-inclusive with both music genres and crowds... Indeed, some of my favorite local DJs throughout the past ten years have graced the 1's and 2's (including Kevin O, the TEMPO crew, Cleaning Up the Dirty South, Rare Form Crew, etc.). And of course, I personally enjoyed spinning my own monthly, Sex, Lies, and Mod with the lovely Lindsey Crowell (as DJs Haute & Couture), as well as opening for such world-renowned talent as Tommie Sunshine and Fred Schneider of The B-52s.

um.

I'm horny. Well! I AM!

I need a man.

Volunteers? KIDDING!

Kind of...

Okay I'm not soliciting here, but I always wonder why the ugliest people (inside and out) have no problems finding significant others or at least a fuck buddy and I can't? They don't make it seem that hard. Why is this so hard? I can't just attack men like I did Man Tongs many moons ago... not on a regular basis anyway and not in this city. And why is it all the dudes I'd like to have relationships with or at least mess around with are either taken, gay or not into me?

UGH. At least my vibrator will always love me!

P.S. I'm not looking for comments on this one. Just frustrated. Clearly.

LARGATE DE AQUI!

Funniest Video in the HISTORY of Videos

Tuesday, July 28th 2009

ASUUU MADREEE!!!!!

This is not one of my home movies, but I wish it was. This is a video of two gays in a slappity slap brawl that has been making the rounds for a couple of weeks. My ass only viewed this fuckery yesterday (Thanks, Hex!). There's already remixes, so you know what to play at the bar this weekend.

This shit is entirely in Spanish, but cat fighting is an international language! If you can only watch a few seconds of this, skip to the 1:40 mark. Bitch gets checked! It's the grand finale. Seriously, they both should have taken a bow at the end of this.

poop.

I don't feel so hot today.

I had this huge craving for a five guys burger and fries last night, so after work, I fed my craving.

While halfway through the burger, I thought "you should probably stop". Unfortunately, my internal monologue wasn't loud or convincing enough to talk me out of eating the whole thing. I did however only eat a couple of fries. WELL!

I watched the Bachelor while I digested, had a text conversation about it with Mama C*, then when I felt digested and rested enough, I went to the gym. I had a pretty good, hard workout, but right before I even stepped on the machine, my stomach issued my ass a warning. I neglected it and ran anyway. I didn't feel bad running, but after I got home and took a shower, my stomach and butt decided they'd seek revenge. I was on the toilet all night. I boofed at work. The smell of food makes me want to boof again, but I'm hungry. It's been suggested I have some soup. Had some as well as some Sprite. Still not feeling 100%. Yuck. I am not eating Five Guys again. Of course, me being me, this might change.

*I was hoping Pookie would stick, but it hasn't, so I've reverted back to Mama C.

An Evening For Lola

photo courtesy of DListed.com

Who knew?

J-Lo and I have the same name.

HOWEVER! There is only one Lola and it's ME.

At least she's giving me ideas for my 40th.

P.S. I have watched Hitch at least 4 times this weekend.

Hoteles

After hours of research, I've decided where I'm staying in Madrid this November. I want to stay near the bus pick-up point the Thursday night before I leave for La Alberca (the location of the Pueblo Ingles program). The following Friday when I get back to Madrid, I want to stay closer to all the museums and nightlife.

On Thursday night, November 12, I'll be staying at the AC Santo Mauro:

Friday, November 20 - Sunday November 22, I'll be at the Room Mate Alicia:

August Gift

My go-to bag is looking janky and falling apart. It's not a fancy bag, but it's a daily one, so I figured, it was time to make the leap. I'm 31. I deserve a nice bag. I have too many nice, but not quite nice enough bags. It's the same with my shoes. I can't keep sacrificing quality - I know what happens when you sacrifice quality. MENTOS! SO, I'm finally going to buy my Botkier after what seems like years of saying I would.

I no longer want the Bianca satchel, though. I want the Uma. It's both classic and rock and roll. Just need to decide which color:

Black or Pearl Aubergine? I'm leaning towards Pearl Aubergine....

Let's Just Set The Record Straight

I didn't watch Katie Holmes perform Judy Garland's Get Happy on Thursday during the SYTYCD results show, but I heard about it. Awful was pretty much the consensus, so I decided to compare the two. Honestly, there wasn't a lot of dancing by the female lead in either...so I'm not sure what the fuss was about.

Here's Judy:

and here's Katie:

Weekend of Nothing

On Friday I was feeling bloated, ugly and over it. I don't know what "it" was exactly, but I was over it. I had plans to see a Jennifer Coolidge comedy show with Yones and the boys that night at the Laughing Skull (Vortex Comedy Room) but I really just wanted to go home, get in my pajamas and go to sleep. Earlier in the day I asked Yones if he wanted to meet early for dinner at the Vortex, but on my way home I wasn't feeling it and cancelled. I managed to make it the Vortex for the show at 8pm but I was miserable the whole time. I mean, Jennifer Coolidge was funny - but I just couldn't get into it. I left right after the show.

On Saturday I didn't do anything except nap, run, eat, nap, read, sleep. Just like I wanted.

More of the same today except I went shopping. I got my Chicago Half Marathon outfit. This may sound stupid to you, but its a little tradition of mine. I always buy a new running outfit for a major run. Not because I want to look cute - but because by the time the major run comes around all my running clothes are either dirty or janky or too big. I could do laundry and I probably will, but a new outfit feels like a reward. I also think if you're running in something you feel good in, you get more jazzed about the run itself. I mean, who doesn't need some extra motivation to run 13.1 miles for no reason other than to say "I can"?

My outfit came from the Nike store. I can't wear their shoes, but I'm all over their clothes. Then I decided to treat myself to a work outfit from J. Crew. Good sales going on. Bought a pink skirt with a bow at the waist, a navy tee and a tissue heather gray tee. I think with my tortoise Weitzmans that I haven't worn in over a year, the navy tee and the pink skirt will look good.

Now I'm just relaxing. Ready to take on my week.

I hope you all had a great weekend.

Love,

Lola

WHAT THE F?

Dear America,

I missed the results show of SYTYCD thinking I wasn't going to get any shockers. I opted to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's at the Fox with Yones. I'd never seen it before. It was so lovely. HOWEVER. I hear you all disappointed me. You voted of Janette. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? JANETTE? AND YOU KEPT EVAN? FUCK YOU.

Yours Truly,

Lola

R E D E M P T I O N

cuatro leches cupcakes were a big hit this morning! yes i said morning. i couldn't wait until the afternoon to serve them. they soaked through the cupcakes the way they needed to. so pleased.
off to the baseball. yay.

Tres Leechie Cupcakes

I made a cuatro leches cake yesterday for Taco Tuesday and it didn't turn out so great which was embarrassing. Tomorrow I am only working a half day because we are going to the Braves/Giants game for a coworkers birthday. I am attempting cuatro leches cupcakes tonight to eat before we head out to the ball game. I am hoping I can redeem myself.

I am not watching the Presidential News Conference. I am watching So You Think You Can Dance. Well! Ellen is a guest judge! Katie Holmes tomorrow! I want to see her bust her ass. You know you do too. Ellen is sitting next to Mary Murphy. I want to see if Mary can get to Ellen.

First dance - Travis Wall choreographed dance for the Top 8. Didn't blow me away.

Evan + Janette: I love Janette. She can do no wrong, but I agree with Mia.

AMERICA, SEND EVAN HOME!

That rumba. Would have been hotter if Evan wasn't dancing it and notice Mia and Ellen didn't talk about Evan's dancing. BLEH! The solo? Same old shit. There is only so much sub par Gene Kelly I can take.

Brandon + Janine: I hate when the couples draw a standard ballroom dance like foxtrot or a waltz. It bores me. They bored me. They bored the judges. I think only Ellen liked that dance.

I love Ellen. I have no idea what she's doing there, but she always make me laugh. So that Battlefield dance - Nigel is right. First dance of the night that really got you to feel something. Good going dudes.

Ade + Melissa: It wasn't as hot and sexy as I thought a cha-cha should be.

Wow, that second number - so lovely. I am crying. Bawling actually. Thinking of my mango.

Jason + Kayla: Loved it! Also reminded me of Gene Kelly and Sid Cherise. I think Mia has a crush on Kayla.

NOW SHAYNE SPARKS! SHAYNE SPARKS IS HIP HOP! Loved that.

I am not commenting on all the solos. They are kinda pointless BUT I always love to watch Melissa's ballet solo.

Sad today

Someone I really cared about has disappointed and hurt me.

I won't say who or why. Firstly, because I know they read this blog and they don't need to be told what they've done wrong. They know. Secondly, because this is akaLOLA not akaYOU, I don't need to go into details if I don't want to. Don't bother racking your brain trying to figure out who it is or if its you - know that if someone or something doesn't immediately come to mind its not for you to worry about.

I use this forum, my forum, to openly express my emotions.
Today I want to express my anger and confusion in an open way, but there really are no words. I can't.

People keep proving to me you can't just blindly leap into trust. Over the years I've pushed back when my entire body tells me to be careful. Who won this time? Lola 0, Body 769.

Done now.

Best Wingman E V E R

The night Man Tongs and I hooked up, Cray-Z became my #1 wingman. I know dudes are usually the ones to have the wingman, but Cray-Z deserves special recognition for that night!

God love Cray-Z, he's always trying to show me love is possible even when it seems extremely IMPOSSIBLE. I got home early today to take a nap before Zaxby. This is what I found in my inbox when I woke up:

The summer is already in full swing and it's time for single Divas to meet their Summer Sometimes or a Summer Fling. Where can a single lady get someone to put a ring on it? Here are our favorite manhunt haunts:

Linger at Liquor Tastings: Notice we didn't say wine, Diva. Head to your local liquor store, fine spirits purveyor or cooking school and ask them if they host liquor tastings or classes. Men tend to prefer finely crafted scotches and bourbons and have a soft spot for women who appreciate them.

Get Sexy at Steakhouses: We've said it before and we'll say it again: men love steak, we love men, so we've started the Steakhouse Stakeout. Local businessmen, tycoons and boys nights out usually start at these refined establishments so order a martini dry and prepare to serve conversation rare and exciting.

Look Smoking Hot at the Grill: Nothing says summer like a barbecue, so take advantage of these events in Diva-style. Always look your cutest, show off your grilling skills, or mix amazing man-friendly cocktails for the guests. Lynchburg Lemonades (Jack Daniels and sour mix) and Vodka Coolers (vodka, lemonade or sour mix and mint) always work.

Always Try Athletic Pursuits: There is nothing like fresh air and sunshine in the summer so get dressed in your cutest workout gear and get active. Join a running club, a kickball league, outdoor yoga class, or bring games to the park, pool or beach and set your blanket down next to a group of hotties. You'll have men wanting to sweat you in no time, Diva.

Go To the Dogs: Where do people walk their dogs in your neighborhood? If you have a pooch, find the nearest boardwalk, dog run or park nearby and look smoking hot when you take your dog for a walk. Don't have a dog? Offer to walk your fellow Diva's dog for her. You're bound to turn some heads and you'll probably get a quite responsible chap.

Take on Trivia Nights: Men love games where the reward could be a covered bar tab (for that matter, who doesn't?), so find the nearest establishment near you that has bar trivia, bring a team of your fellow Divas and prepare to battle over trivia questions then fraternize with the enemy over post-trivia cocktails.

Men, men, everywhere - where should a Diva start? First course of action is to forward this email to your fellow Divas and strategize your Diva Manhunt. Ladies, it's time to bring your Diva best and come out to flirt it up, Diva-style.

Why Cray-Z gets the Social Diva newsletter - I couldn't tell you, but love that he is forever trying to hook a sister up. Way to go, Cray-Z! and thanks! :)

Yola Wedding Times

"To Have And To Hold...And To Keep Your Beer Cold!"
- Wedding Souvenir Coozie

I'm just going to skip over what I did on Friday because I didn't do jack. You know the drill. Friday. Work. Tired. Nap. Saturday was an entirely different story. I was a lazy slug from the time I got up until about noon when I realized I needed a wedding gift for Yones' sister and some "extras" (as I like to call them) for my outfit.
I'm starting to really hate the mall. I find what I need, but I can't stand all the people. I went to Macy's first to get joo-rie. Sasha and I had concluded that simple would be the best look since my dress had a deep U ruffled (I know ruffled sounds Elizabethan, but I promise you it is not what you are picturing) neck. I bought cheap silver ball/bead earrings and decided to wear the silver bracelet I bought in Sedona. Joo-rie DONE. Then I went to J.Crew to get a cardigan type thing because my dress is sleeveless and I hate my arms. Managed to get one on sale. Sweet. Saw a cute headband on sale too. Even better. Now normally I hate headbands and think they are inappropriate for women in their 30s, but I was willing to make an exception because I don't look like I'm 30. RIGHT?! Then I went to Crate and Barrel and got a gift card.
I'm not sure how it happened, but time decided to speed up and I had not a whole lot of time before I had to leave to get Yones to head up to the country (more on this in a bit). I managed to forget my headband which I considered the highlight of my outfit - so I was pissed.
So I get Yones and we head up to Duluth. The drive is familiar as I'd done it just the weekend before to catch a ride with Mr. Mike to the mountains. He lives just under Duluth in P'Tree Corner(s?). Up there...you know! The drive out to the country club was WAY FURTHER than Mr. Mike's. Like...FAR. If you total up the driving time from when I left my house in VaHi to St. Marlo Country Club it's about an hour. I should have packed an overnight bag.
The wedding ceremony and reception was a study in Southern culture for real.
Seersucker, shots of tequila, cubic zirconia, khaki, CRAZY accents, fake tans, mass Budweiser and Miller Light consumption..out of a can or those nifty faux brown glass bottles, songs with racial slurs, and a country music DJ. I can't make this up. I'm not hating on the sourthern wedding. I love the south AND I had a great time at this wedding, but man... some of the guests....P R I C E L E S S. For example, there was a cute boy in attendance...actually there were a couple of cute boys if you like southern boys... but once they open their mouths or drink some Bud they act the fool....anyway, this cute boy got my attention, but he was crazy wasted by the end of the night and knew every word to the song with the racial slurs. Nice. Real nice.
Yones and I left the party at around 11:00pm, completely exhausted. I've never felt like I was going to pass out behind the wheel, but let's just say I'm glad Yones was there to entertain me on the drive home from the country.
The absolute bonus to my evening was the wedding souvenir... a beer coozie. I might need to start drinking beer now! :)

DONE

I have been working on a client's FY09 analysis and FY10 strategy recommendation since last week. I haven't done one of these since...well...since I worked for my old agency. Long ass time. My clients at my current agency are smaller and don't need the dog and pony every year. For various reasons, this one client did this year.
Now I can write all day long if its stupid shit, but when it comes to work shit, not so much.
In fact, I want to kill myself when I have to do shit like this. I get cranky, have no patience and just want to scream. I must have been a dream to work with last week.
I have been working early mornings to late late evenings since last week and finally, F I N A L L Y I'm finished. Sent the finished product to the account person. I want everyone to congratulate me. I want everyone to read my work and say "this is the most awesome recommendation in the history of recommendations". I want someone to give me a cookie. I want to win a prize.
Not going to happen. Instead, I'm going to Zaxby for dinner tonight with Sasha.
Admit it. You're jealous. I would be, too.

Mentos Moment

I've had several Mentos moments throughout my life. In fact, they've been so frequent, I can't remember them all. The last one was my navy boots from Bill Hallman. I went out for a girl's night around Mardi Gras. Got a little crazy at a theme party at Opera and the two inch heel to my boot fell off. I was so drunk that night, it didn't matter, but I must have looked like a hobbling idiot.

Just remembered another one. Cute black suede with white ribbon heels from Banana Republic. The heel didn't completely fall off while I was walking around at work, but it did bend inward to where I couldn't wear them any longer.

The latest happened this evening at Atlantic Station. I'd been looking forward to my date with Harry Potter all day. I got to work at the ass crack of dawn and planned to leave early because of it to see the 4:10 show of HP 6. I get a small popcorn and small Coke from the concession stand and as I'm walking towards my theatre, my left foot comes completely out of my Dr. Scholl's. I figure I just walked out of it, but I look down and the strap holding the shoe together had completely broken. No possible way to fix it. Had to walk into the theatre holding my shoe and had to wait for everyone to exit the theatre after the movie (5 stars from me btw) so I wouldn't look like an idiot to everyone. Even after waiting for the theatre to clear, there were still a lot of people out, so I had to act like something happened to my left foot as I was walked to Old Navy to get a pair of $3 flops so as not to look like an idiot. Definitely got some stares, but I like to think they were "aww what happened to her foot?" stares and not "what the hell?" stares.

GUH.

La Alberca, Salamanca, Spain November 13 - 20

Lola is headed to Spain, bitches!

More details to come!

Brandon + Melissa

Groovy

Peace

Love

Dancing

Kupono + Randy

Kupono is HOT, but my gaydar goes off with him.

I can't stand the Paso Doble. It just strikes me as unnecessary drama.

Theirs was messy. I think Kupono did fine. Fine. Randy was awful and for good measure, her name sucks.

Jason + Janine

That was TERRIFIC! Way to go Travis Wall! Oh yeah, Jason + Janine too!

Ade + Janette

FUCK. They are being choreographed by the most awful hip hop choreographers in the world.

FORTUNATELY! Janette is LOVE AND SEX AND MAGIC!

LOVE HER!

Evan + Kayla

I love Debbie Allen! YOU HANDLED YOUR BIG WOMAN!

Sorry, Debbie. I thought it was weird. I like Kayla, but Evan needs to go home. And did they double time Seal?

Monday

I just got back from Atlantic Station. I work out at the La Fitnesse there. Three miles today. Bleugh! (Thanks, E). Afterwards as I was walking to my car I heard what I thought was a Harry Potter movie coming from "Central Park" (little patch of grass in the Atlantic Station square). I was right! Atlantic Station has been showing all the Harry Potter's leading up to Tuesday's 12:01am release of HP 6. EEEEEE! I really want to be one of those freaks that watches at 12:01am. I did it for The Watchmen and I am a new fan to that. Been a HP fan for years.

So I sat and stretched and watched the final 30 minutes or so of HP 4. I realized as I was watching that Robert Pattinson plays Cedric Diggory, the kid who dies. Now, if you know me, you know I hate the Twilight phenomenon. I am not sure how its different from the Harry Potter phenom, it just is. I think anyone who thinks Robert Pattinson is hot is blind. Further, I think if you read Twilight you're a freak. The series is made for teenage girls. They sell the books in the young adult section for the love! Grown ass women not only love Robert Pattinson (who is fucking ugly) but they love the vampire he plays in the movie as if vampires really existed. As if Pattinson was really the vampire. As if the whole book was non-fiction. Its B I Z A R R E. I love the Harry Potter series, but I don't think any of the characters are hot and I'm not fantasizing about wizards. I just appreciate the playfulness of the story. The author's creativity. The series is a new classic. The Twilight phenom reminds me of the VC Andrews phenom back when we were younger and those books were stupid. I'll close with this - where were all these Robert Pattinson fans when he was in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Same dude. Just as ugly.

The Cookie Queen

My favorite co-worker, E, called me this the other day and I kind of like it.

The reason I mention it is because on Friday, disregarding good judgement, I bought a box of Joe-Joe's ("All Natural" golden Oreos from Trader Joe's). I just ate a shitload of Joe Joe's and milk. Gross.

So when I woke up on Saturday morning, I was sprawled out, in my new BCBG dress, on Pookie and Cray-Z's office futon. Gosh I love that thing. I woke up around 8:30am and hurt. You dudes won't know what this feels like, so I'll tell you. After a night out of heavy drinking and wearing 3 (possibly 4) inch heels, your calves hurt. Of course it didn't help that while attempting an Irish jig at Ri Ra, I ate it. Naturally, the next morning I was sore. Naturally.

Make my way to the car and could have possibly gotten a DUI for driving home. Okay, thats stretching it, but I still felt drunk and disoriental (Mango joke). Rough. Came home, posted photographic evidence of the evening on Facebook, hopped in the shower, packed for overnight camping trip and went back to Pookie's to pick her up to go up to Norcross to catch a ride with Mr. Mike up to Long Creek, South Carolina (location of Cray-Z's white water rafting shop and pizza shop). I was a little worried Pookie was going to vomit in the car on the way to Norcross. She didn't. Trooper! :)

I don't remember if I slept or not on the way up to LC. I probably did. You know me. We get there and decide to get on the lake and do some kayaking/canoeing. Actually, rewind. Before we go down to the river, Man Tongs and I have an awkward moment. I walk into Humble Pie not thinking he was working. I mean, chances were he was going to be there, I just didn't think about it as I walked in. He was the first to greet me and we hugged. It looked like he was going to kiss me, but it didn't happen. He's still really cute but there was something really weird about his behavior, so our moment ended there. I did ask him if he was going to come visit us on the lake or at the campsite later and he said he was headed to Asheville, NC to visit his brother. Turns out he never went. Apparently he chose to dance around naked in his house instead. I'm not sure if he was trying to offer some sort of explanation why he wouldn't come down to visit, but it didn't matter to me really. Man Tongs was a one time thing. He served a need and I had no expectations. His behavior was a little disappointing though. Oh well. Thats what I get.

ANYWAY! We all went kayaking Saturday afternoon. It was the first time ever I was in a kayak and not a blow-up raft or duckie. It was shakey at first, but once I got the hang of turning and got my paddling pattern down, it was smooth sailing. Good times. It was much more my speed than the white water rafting we usually do. I mean thats fun too, but this was different and fun. We camped out that night. Did the traditional sit around the campfire. I can only speak for myself, but I was so tired, I passed out around 11pm.

Next morning, I bumped into Man Tongs at the shop/restaurant again when I went to go change into my swimsuit for tubing and it was still kinda stupid. Last time I saw him I was trying to go out of my way to say bye to him. This time, not so much. Tubing was a good time. I think the whole weekend was a great speed. Go with the flow - literally. Nothing to do, nowhere to be. This is the life, friends!

And yes... there was MASS QUANTITY pizza consumption. THE SQUEAL FOREVER!

UTI TMI

So before I hear it about this UTI from people I haven't already talked about it with....

I haven't had sex in awhile. I am not going to give you an exact time period, but it's been awhile by my standards. The only way I know of to get a UTI is from having sex. I mean there are other ways, but for a woman my age, thats usually it. I just got diagnosed with one on Friday and like I said, it's been awhile. I don't get it. How the hell???

Just wanted to clarify that I'm not dirty, but I do like to give out way too much information.

Meh. My blog. Not yours. Deal.

July 14 sucks

July 14, 1970 - Bad S is born
July 14, 1974 - The Turd is born
July 14, 1975 - Chad is born

You think I shouldn't date men born on July 14?
JESUS!

Pump and Dump

So Friday night, Pale Ale (PA for short), Pookie, Mrs. Mike and I had ourselves a girl's night.

Mrs. Mike hadn't had a crazy drinking night since she got pregnant with Beatle 14 months ago - she was long overdue for one. The official name of the evening was Pump and Dump. I didn't know that even if you don't give your kid your breast milk you have to pump it out. Apparently you explode. OUCH!

I left work at 2pm on Friday to go to a last minute doctor's appointment (I have a UTI) and my boss told me to just work from home the rest of the day. Since I work all the time nowadays, this sounded good to me, so after my appointment, I came home, did some work and got ready to meet the girls at Pookie's house. Well, that was the plan... we were all supposed to meet at Pookie's at 6:00, but we didn't actually get to JCT Bar until 7:00ish where we met Mrs. Mike and our friend R. I'd been to JCT Bar back when it was Commune and I always thought it was a really cool, industrial yet comfortable space, but JCT did a really good job when they took over.

We had some really nice drinks like The Little Havana (strawberry puree, rum and... well...lots of rum), The Back Porch (which is basically a vodka/lemonade + thyme syrup YUM!) and some really crisp white wine. Pale Ale had a Dale's out of the can - don't worry, we gave her a hard time about it. That's her style and I like that she doesn't compromise it for anyone. Good for her!

After JCT we headed back to Pookie's house where we caught a cab to Loca Luna. The new Loca is in Amsterdam Walk and it's nice, but I loved Loca when it was in Midtown. I didn't really see anyone dancing and it wasn't like it was early. Loca used to be packed summer weekends, with tons of people trying to dance. Not so much at Amsterdam. Still fun though. We ate, had two pitchers of Sangria...hung out at the bar and drank some more... actually this is when Pookie had a full high ball glass of Jaeger and ice. I think that was probably the turning point of the evening.

We got into a cab again and headed to Midtown for fun at Ri Ra, the new Irish pub in Midtown. Apparently there are tons of these around the country, but I'd never seen one and neither had the ladies, so we went in and explored. Oh! We managed to see Yones and his roomate walking down the street while we were in the cab so I yell out at him at the top of my lungs. Being oblivious, he waves but you can tell he doesn't know what he's waving at so I yell YOLA TIMES and it finally clicks. I should also mention that each time we got into a cab we tried to learn the driver's language. I learned a bit of Nigerian but...sigh... I've lost it already. Something about drinking and memory.

Ri Ra is a huge space, but not exactly suitable for a girl's night. Lots of t-shirts, shorts and flip flops. There were drinks here, but we decided very quickly we wouldn't be staying long. That's when we decide to head to Cosmo/Lava.

Cosmo/Lava is two bars in one house. Cosmo(politan) is the "sophisticated martini bar" (uh-huh) and Lava is the "clubbier" lounge experience. Both are cheesy fun. There was a $5 cover but all you really need to do in this place is show some cleavage and you're in. This is also the place my camera came out full force. It was nice to act the fool and be stupid. I think we may have left here around 1:30 to head home. We were all pretty drunk. In fact, I was drunk texting with one of my cooler coworkers at that point...so yeah...definitely time to go. We got back and ordered pizza which only 3 of us ate. Pookie started breathing kinda heavy and had to go up to bed (musta been the Jaeger!).

We all somehow managed to wake up fairly early as we all had plans for fun days ahead, but we all looked pretty rough the next morning I'm sure.

This post is dedicated to RSH and JEF. Thanks for reading, guys!

Brandon + Janette

That Argentine tango. GOD. P E R F E C T I O N

GOD HERE WE GO AGAIN

Tabitha and Napoleon's not hip-hop cheesey ass choreography.

Awful and stupid.

As expected.

Did you guys just see that?

The Mia Michaels choreographed dance for Kayla and Kupono? The one that symbolized addiction? I almost cried.

sex on fire

I read recently in one of my trash magazines that Katy Perry had heard having sex to Kings of Leon album Only By The Night was an experience and that she herself tried it and it was AMAZING. I wouldn't know, but I'd like to find out.

Friday Night Girls Night

I'm going out with the girls on Friday night to Loca Luna and I have not a thing to wear. Okay, that's a lie, but I want something NEW! So let's vote!

Option 1: BCBG Tie Dye Silk Dress

UPDATE:

I went to BCBG tonight to find my outfit and there was only one size left of the dress above and it was on the mannequin. Good news is that it didn't look so hot on the mannequin, so I wasn't even going to attempt to see what it looked like on me. I tried on three dresses. Can you guess which one I picked?

Off The Wall

Cheese

I just got done watching last week's SYTYCD routines and I have to say (AGAIN)...

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE TABITHA AND NAPOLEON'S HIP-HOP CHOREOGRAPHY.

It's NOT hip-hop. Total cheese and a total disservice to the style. Awful. I know I'm the only one that thinks this. I don't care.

Need Someone to Yell At

So I flew home last night and got to Dulles at 12:30am. I was supposed to get in at 11:50, but we sat on the runway in Atlanta for a good 30 minutes with no updates from the pilot as to why we were sitting there and how long. I hate that. I mean, the pilot can't do anything about sitting on the runway, but say something about it, don't just make us sit there with the germy air and the babies crying and don't say anything. An informed cabin is a happy(er) cabin.

My sister's flight was supposed to get in around midnight last night too, but somewhere between Arizona and Dulles, she got delayed in Colorado and her flight didn't get in until 4am this morning. Seriously. AND she had baby T with her. Nice. She was one of those moms on a plane with a very unhappy baby. I can't say that I wouldn't have given her the death stare. When they got home, baby T was cranky and tired and reminded us of it with her (in)famous wailing. Oh how I missed that middle of the night howling banshee! Not really and yes, I know, not nice.

THEN this morning my clients all decide to be ASSHOLES. I've been working for the last 2 hours and I'm supposed to be on vacation. I want my fucking vacation day back. This is ridiculous.
I will say that I feel a bit better by blogging about it, but I'd still like someone to punch out or curse at. Maybe I'll find one later.