I haven't laughed this hard...well...EVER

Thursday, April 30th 2009

Fix Yourself, Girl!

When you strut down the ho stroll in your sexiest spandex biker shorts, do the other whores yell at you, "Bitch, your pussy is hongray"? Does this make you feel sad in the pants, because you don't want everyone to see your damn uterus from the outside? Well, then the Cuchini is just the product to fix your COCHINA ass.

That shit will set you back $15 for two pads. Once you have your Cuchini pads, just place it over your hungry-hungry-hippo-cooze and voila! No camel toe. You will go from looking like a biological female with organic vagina lips to looking like you've got an 8" dick tucked into your ass crack. Fatty crotch to tranny crotch in a matter of seconds!

The website is like the land of fuckery! It has a video featuring a song that will be the first dance at my wedding. It also has a celebrity c-toe gallery. Strangely enough, the celebrity gallery doesn't star the CAMEL TOE QUEEN herself....CoCo! That's because even the Cuchini knows it is no match for the camel toe of all camel toes! I'd like to see the Cuchini try to cover up CoCo's mammoth vag flappers of wonder. It's not going to happen! If you placed one of those weak ass Cuchini pads on her snatch, it would eat it up in two bites, burp and then scream, "NEXT!"

I mean, behold CoCo's camel toe. It is not the one.

Source VIA Buzzfeed

Let It Ride

I have been on the verge of freaking out since Sunday. Actually, I take that back. I have been freaking out since Sunday. I am a mess.

I need my mom. A hug. My friends. I just need to feel like I'm not alone. Like someone gives a shit. I know you guys do. I'm extra messy this week I guess.

When I get this way, I try to fill my days with work and my nights with friends.
Because I opted to watch The Informers with Yones on Monday night, I missed a new GG episode (and DWTS). Sasha DVRs all new episodes of GG, so she invited me over (though I basically invited myself during the day) to have taco salad and watch GG with her.
Sasha is a true friend. I mean, she just watched the episode the night before. I'm sure she had things she could be doing other than watching GG for the second time with me, but she did it and I'm really thankful. As I said to her, had I not hung out with her, I would have panic attacked myself to sleep.

The best nights are spent with friends. Eating, laughing at whatever ridiculous thing Paula Abdul has to say about an Idol, watching GG and marveling at how AWESOME it truly is....

Nothing special, but special to me.

Fuck.

I like how Yones put it:

Here's what I got from The Informers: Spoiled-ass rich trustafarian waste-oids from the early '80s who live a debased lifestyle in a consequence-free environment with emotionally absentee parents. Although, I like the inference at the end. All is not lost after all.

This movie was easily the most depressing movie I've ever seen. Even more depressing than Requiem and Trainspotting. Blah. It is a good one though. Brett Easton Ellis is amazing as always.

As a side note, Yones' roommate, Chip (not his actual name), just got back from Mexico City.
I truly risked my life to watch The Informers. Tomorrow, I might be dead from swine flu.

Black Panties

Lately, I've wanted to hear from bad S.
When I get this way, I try to think of some of the worst things bad S has done to me. To remind me why its better we are not friends, that we don't talk, that he ignores me and that I ignore him. So here it goes:

Admittedly, I was clingy with S, but it wasn't until after he cheated on me. I felt like I needed to be near him at all times so he wouldn't have an opportunity to cheat. He didn't like this, but didn't realize he was the reason for it. He pushed me away. A lot. We'd hang out for a day and the next day he'd freak out and tell me to go away. Then I'd call and it would go back to normal. I'd call. Never him.

One of the times we were apart for a couple of days, he had been helping a "friend" move. He never told me which one. He went to take a shower and asked me to bring him his phone and wallet that were still in the car. So I went.

I couldn't find either in the passenger's seat, so I looked around. Usually, they slip under the seats. I reached under the driver's seat and pulled out a pair of women's black lace underwear.

I froze. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I wanted to yell, but I had no more energy. I sat in the car for a long time. He came out to see what was going on. I was sitting in the driver's seat, the panties in the passenger's seat. There was nothing to say. There was nothing he was going to say to make me feel better.

I left.

He apologized up and down, swore that the panties had fallen out while he was helping her move. He wouldn't give me a name, but I already knew who it could have been. One of the two he'd cheated on me with. It didn't matter anyway.

Yet somehow SOMEHOW. I forgave him.

Again.

Grief

"Although we know that after such a loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish." Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939)

IPF

The Inman Park Festival was this weekend.
The last time I went I was with bad S.
It is not a good memory. The incident happened before I had this blog, so I'm going to post it here - to have. Just in case.

Bad S loves festivals like Inman Park and Dogwood and Summerfest. He liked them more when he was drinking. The first couple we went to, we had a good time, but it wasn't long before things changed.

The last time I was at IPF, it was a beautiful day. He and I held hands, walked around, visited all the booths. We walked by all the beverages and food. We had a little to drink. A little to eat. But a little was never enough for him.

An hour into the festival he got really grumpy and quiet. I didn't understand where it was coming from because I thought we were having a great time. But he started to get angry and anything I said didn't help the situation. He finally told me that he wanted to be by himself. He was going to stay at the Festival, but he wanted me to leave. We weren't just dating at this point. He was my boyfriend. My boyfriend had asked me to leave.

I can't tell you how awful that feels. Someone you love tells you they don't want you around. I walked away crying, my head down, not wanting anyone to see. I ran into Pookie and Cray-Z on my way out and they convinced me to stay. They were great that day. Like they always are. Cray-Z sat in the park with me, talking to me, trying to get me to relax and then I saw bad S again, accompanied by a group of girls, on the way out of the Festival. It was like someone had kicked me in the stomach. He'd not only asked me to leave. He was now with a bunch of girls and he'd already cheated on me. In fact, after the first time, I would never trust him again, so you can imagine what I felt when I saw him leaving the park, wasted, with a bunch of women.

Somehow...SOMEHOW... later that night he convinced me nothing happened. That he was sorry. We were together not much longer after that day.

I would say I keep learning the hard way that bad S just doesn't give a damn, but I didn't actually learn until years later. My dad always called me hard-headed. I never believed him.

I do now.

Weekend Update

Fridays after work all I want to do is go home and sleep. And I usually do, but this past Friday I definitely didn't. After work, I went up to Buckhead to return some things I'd bought over the past few weeks. I'm not sure why I did this, seeing as I hate traffic and Friday traffic in Atlanta is AWFUL in any direction, but everything got returned and I was home by 7. I was laying in bed confirming plans for the next two days when Cray-Z and Pookie call me to come over and eat dinner with them. OF COURSE!
Cray-Z and I had grilled porkchops and quinoa (new Pookie recipe). The quinoa was fantastic. I've only ever loved quinoa from one place - R. Thomas, but Pookie's was better! It's a good thing too, because even though I like R. Thomas, it freaks me out that I used to eat next door at Shipfeiffer until I spotted a HUGE rat. You know those things just go from place to place. Probably hiding out in R. Thomas! GROSS...so yeah. I probably won't be eating quinoa at R. Thomas anymore. We were drinking wine with dinner, but I must have been thirstier than both of them because I drank glass after glass like it was water. I was up a good two hours after they went up to bed at 10:30, drinking, facebooking, and eating ice cream. By myself. Awesome.
I ended up sleeping on their couch since I couldn't drive home. I woke up the next morning at 6:45ish when Pookie had to get up to go build a Habitat for Humanity house. I think I might have still been drunk.
Meh.

Georgia Gun Laws

I told you all I was getting a gun. Here's some info:

GEORGIA LAW

> No permit is required in Georgia to keep a gun in your home or any place in your car, provided you are eligible for a Georgia Firearm License.

> Permit is required to carry on your person, and there are restrictions that prohibit carrying a concealed weapon at places, including public- owned buildings, sporting events, churches, schools, nuclear power plants and the General Assembly. This requires the purchase of a five-year, renewable Georgia firearm permit that’s issued after you are fingerprinted and pass background checks for criminal and mental problems.

What can you do with a Georgia firearm permit?

The permit allows you to carry your gun outside the home, car and place of business, subject to certain restrictions. You don’t need a permit for those places. The permit also allows you to conceal the weapon.

GETTING A PERMIT

What it takes to get a Georgia firearm permit, which allows you to carry a concealed weapon.

Step 1: Meet the license qualifications for Georgia as listed in Georgia Code 16-11-129. Basically, you have to be a state resident, a legal United States resident, a resident of the county where you are making your application and at least 21 with a clean criminal and mental history.

Step 2: Apply to the probate court in your county, where you will fill in an application, pay the required (usually nonrefundable) fees and find out how to get fingerprinted. Permits are usually issued within 60 days.

Step 3: Provide a photo ID and proof of residency. A Georgia driver’s license or state ID card will serve as both. Check with your local probate court for other qualifying documents. The permit is valid for five years.

Source: GeorgiaCarry.org and probate courts

Here's some stories...of a lovely lady...

I was telling Sasha these Mango stories over IM and forgot I hadn't told you all about them. I hope you get a good laugh out of them like I did!

1) Mango doesn't do thongs.

I didn't start wearing thongs until I was a freshman in college. Why? Because Mango wouldn't let me. Yes, for real. Mango thinks they are dirty. In fact, the first time she saw a thong in the laundry room she got REALLY MAD. I'd brought my clothes from school to wash. She did (and still does) do my laundry if I ever bring it home. She definitely did not talk to me for a few hours the first time she threw my thong into the washer. To this day, she still doesn't fold them.

Mango knows I wear them regularly now, but she always gives me a lecture about how disgusting they are every time she does laundry or we're in Victoria's Secret together.

2) Fidel Castro

The last time Mango came to visit me she was wearing one of these safari jackets. It was a military green with the random pockets and the belt. The first thing she says to me when she steps out of the car?

"You like my Fidel Castro jacket? I got it at Price Club!"

Priceless, Mango. Priceless.

Free

My cable cut out over a week ago. Originally, I thought it was due to the bad storms (tornadoes) last week, but when I asked around, everyone else's cable seemed to work. It was just mine that was out. I still figured it had something to do with the storms, so I called Comcast because after unplugging and replugging everything, I still couldn't get my cable to work. 

The bitches at Comcast couldn't get a "technician" out to my apartment until today from 5-8. UGH. I was without my shows for a week people! 

Luckily, Comcast has stepped it up and the technician was out here at 5:00 on the dot. My landlady let him in and watched him while I made my way home. When I got here I asked him what the issue was. Apparently the asshole living in A-1 tried to steal..oops I'm sorry...get "free" cable and somehow jacked up my cable in the process. So I left a note on the community board.

Neighbors,

Please do not try to get "free cable". My cable has been out for over a week because someone in the building tried to get free cable and knocked my paid-for service out. The number for Comcast is 1-800-COMCAST.

Lola

A-*

Matthew Williamson for H&M

For the past few S/S seasons, I've really loved Matthew Williamson's designs. Really loved them. He has a new line out for H&M. They are pricey, but if you have the money - I'd recommend picking up something today!

Matthew Williamson for H&M

Happy St. George's Day to the English!

It's St. George's Day. I have no idea what this means, but apparently its really big in England.
I refer to Wikipedia:

St George's Day was a major feast and national holiday in England on a par with Christmas from the early 15th century.^[2] However, this tradition had waned by the end of the 18th century after the union of England and Scotland.^[3] In recent years the popularity of St George's Day appears to be increasing gradually. BBC Radio 3 had a full programme of St George's Day events in 2006, and Andrew Rosindell, Conservative MP for Romford, has been putting the argument forward in the House of Commons to make St George's Day a public holiday. Although Saint George is the Patron Saint of England, it is believed that St George was not English and it is not certain that he ever visited England, although legend has it that St George was born in Coventry at Caludon Castle in Wyken.^[4]

A traditional custom at this time was to wear a red rose in one's lapel, though with changes in fashion this is no longer common. Another custom is to fly or adorn the St George's Cross flag in some way: pubs in particular can be seen on April 23 festooned with garlands of St George's crosses. However, the modern association of the St George's Cross with sports such as football, cricket and rugby means that this tradition is rare outside this context. It is customary for the hymn "Jerusalem" to be sung in cathedrals, churches and chapels on St George's Day, or on the Sunday closest to it.

There is a growing reaction to the recent indifference to St George's Day. Organizations such as English Heritage, and the Royal Society of Saint George (a non-political English national society founded in 1894) have been joined by the more prominent St George's Day Events company (founded in 2002), with the specific aim of encouraging celebrations. They seem to be having some effect. On the other hand, there have also been calls to replace St George as patron saint of England, on the grounds that he was an obscure figure who had no direct connection with the country. However there is no obvious consensus as to whom to replace him with, though names suggested include St. Edmund, ^[5] St. Cuthbert, or St. Alban, with the latter having topped a BBC Radio 4 poll on the subject.^[6]

In early 2009 Mayor of London Boris Johnson spearheaded a campaign to encourage the celebration of St George's Day. St. George is also the patron saint of the Scouting movement. Many Scout troops in the United Kingdom take part in a St George's Day Parade on the nearest Sunday to April 23. A message from the Chief Scout is read out and the Scout Hymn is sung. A "renewal of promise" then takes place where the Scouts renew the Scout's Promise made at joining and at all Scout meetings.

St George's Day is traditionally the occasion when the Queen announces new appointments to the Order of the Garter.

Scratch-Off-AGANZA!

A month or so ago, my lovely co-worker Boo A - who works remotely from Oregon - invited me (or perhaps I invited myself) to join she and her sister in their monthly Scratch-Off-AGANZA! :) Basically, they buy two sets of $20 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets, keep one set, send the other set to the other person and set a date to scratch off the tickets. It sounded really fun, so I joined in.

I didn't quite follow the rules last month when it was my turn to buy the tickets. I bought $20 worth for Boo A, $20 for Boo V and $20 for myself. I sent Boo A's to Oregon and Boo V's to Texas and scratched off mine as soon as I sent theirs off. My scratching fingers got the best of me! I didn't win anything, but Boo A and Boo V did! In fact, they won enough to cover the costs of buying the tickets! YAY!

I get a lot of questions about how we handle the payouts when I tell people about Scratch-Off-AGANZA! We decided to send back the winning tickets to whomever bought them if they are less than say $500. When the jackpot reaches a "splittable" amount, we'll examine if and how we split it.

So last night we did our Oregon tickets. I think this was technically May's Scratch-Off-AGANZA!, but none of us could really wait. Oregon lotto is a lot cooler than Georgia's. First, Boo A sent so many cards! I only ended up getting them a $10, $5, two $2 and a $1 card(s). Last night we scratched off 4 crossword tickets (so much fun!), an Asian and Egyptian themed ticket, a Stinkin' Rich ticket, a Bingo ticket, and a $1 one I can't remember right now. We had originally planned to webcam the whole experience, but we couldn't get it to work, so I had Boo A and Boo V on IM the whole time. I ended up winning Boo A $5. Not bad. I can't wait for Boo V's tickets to come in the mail.

I've realized lately the simplest things give me so much joy. I've been kinda sad and lonely lately and last night's Scratch-Off-AGANZA! really helped. I can't tell you how nice it was to sit with a drink in hand, a quarter in the other, just scratching off lotto tickets and IMing about it to them.

My friends are the greatest! Thanks Boos! :)

1201am

Please check out my dear friend's new collection of rugs! 

Stunning! http://www.1201am.com/projects-delos.html

This Girl From Athens...

In college I developed a love for the Pat McGee band. They have a song called "Girl From Athens" (or something like that) that always reminds me of Athens, Georgia. Home of the University of Georgia. Athens is a similar to every college town in America. I'm sure the students and residents here will tell you different. But isn't every college town quaint? Don't they all have something "familiar" about them? Aren't they all comforting? Young and thriving? I think so. Athens is no different than Blacksburg. I would say it has cooler, more modern shops, but the last time I was in Blacksburg was 2001. I'm sure its updated since then. This isn't to say I don't love Athens. I love it like I loved Blacksburg. The weather today helps. Sunny and mid 70s. It's a perfect day.

So what am I doing in Athens? 

Well, during the week, my little cousin, Jelly, mentioned she was coming down to Athens from Nashville, TN (where she currently lives) to do a show with a band. Jelly recently graduated in sound/audio engineering (I think thats right), so I'm not sure if she's running the sound for the band tonight or if she's actually singing/performing (her dream). I guess I'll find out. I came up to Athens to see her but I should note I haven't seen Jelly since she was 5. Seriously. Oh and did I mention the band she's going to be with tonight is performing at a fraternity party? Awesome.

I woke up this morning at 7:40, took a shower, "packed" and was out the door by 9am to head up to Athens. The drive is not bad. It's only an 1 1/2 hours and the majority of the trip is on a 2 lane road. I like that. Not as scary as the 7 lane highway (each side) in Atlanta. 

I got here by 10:30 and checked into my room at the Holiday Inn... I mean, if I was going to come up here, might as well make a day of it. From what I remembered the last time I was in Athens (possibly with my sister when she was touring colleges, but likely when Yones and I came up here for our friend's college graduation), the high streets have some really cool shops - so I figured I'd go shopping and walking around before Jelly got here. 

My hotel room is actually decent. I've never stayed in a Holiday Inn, but the name doesn't exactly inspire elegance. It's a hotel room. It has cable. It has Wi-Fi. Sold. I text my UGA graduate friends last night about where I should eat and where I should shop. Names and addresses in had, I made my way down East Broad Street. 

East Broad street is more or less the restaurant high street. I hope I'm using that term correctly. If not, I'm sure Pookie will comment about it. Anyway, East Broad is not only the street with all the restaurants but it's also the street that separates "downtown" from the University of Georgia. My coworker suggested I try one of two places (or both if I had time) - East West Bistro and/or Five Star Day Cafe. By the time I left the hotel, it was 11:30am. Since Five Star Day Cafe is brunch food and I was hungry for lunch food, I went down to East West Bistro. East West Bistro is Asian fusion cuisine. 

So I've kinda been searching for the best sweet tea EVER. I say "kinda" because it's not really like I'm looking for it - but when I taste it I'll know it. I think I tasted it at East West Bistro. Perfection - so far. I ordered the special - Duck with coconut rice and a cucumber/red pepper/pineapple/black seed salad. It was light, but filling. Definitely a must-try.

I then headed up to East Clayton which is the clothing/retail high street. My coworker - a definite shopper told me to visit Encore, Pitaya, Heery's and Fortsons. I never found Fortsons, which was okay since I probably overshopped everywhere else. 

I picked up a cool/vintagey/flowery dress from Pitaya. Pitaya's prices are like a forever 21 or a west seal, but the clothes are hit or miss. The dress I bought was the only thing I liked. I hit Heery's and didn't like it AT ALL. It's definitely sorority chic. Once upon a time, I probably would have been all over it, but it was all overpriced and pastel, Vera Bradley paisleys, too much pink and green. Just no. Not my style now. There were also a ton of older ladies in there - which wasn't too surprising considering the average price of everything I saw was $300. Seriously. Then I went to Helix which is a cool store. It reminds me of stores you'd find in Lincoln Park in Chicago. Stores that sell cards/stationary, lotions and perfumes, kids clothes, hand bags, jewelry, dishes...knick knacks. I bought an orange and grey leather messenger purse/bag and a cute dress for baby V when I see her late May. Then I went over to encore and bought some skinny jeans. I need them for all the boots I've purchased and they were on sale! Then I went to The Red Zone where they sell all UGA apparel and bought the shirt I promised my sister and one for me. The last store I went to was a vintage clothing store. I bought a t-shirt. It's the softest purple cotton. Yeah, I really fueled the economy today!

Just Woke Up

....to my neighbor getting bizzay downstairs.

EW! and

GET IT GIRL!

UPDATE: it's my gay neighbor next door.

April 15

Have you filed your taxes yet?

Buffets

Sometime early last week I asked Sasha if she wanted to go to Mass with me on Easter and if she'd want to do brunch afterwards. She accepted. That same day we tried to come up with places to do brunch. Sure we could have gone to one of the many places in Atlanta to do brunch, but we wanted something a little more special. It was Easter after all! Okay, we also wanted mimosas.

We settled on Shaun's in Inman Park.

After going to the longest Mass EVER, we headed over to Inman Park. While walking up to Shaun's I notice my good friend and his wife are standing in line (he's the one that had recommended the spot to me in the first place). They'd been waiting without a reservation for 15 minutes. I checked in for our 1:45 reservation and we waited with them outside the restaurant. It was a nice day. After 5 minutes you get ansy, 10 minutes you get annoyed, 15 minutes and you're livid - especially when you can see empty tables from outside and the hostess disappears for 5 minutes at a time and when she gets back, seats people that came in after you.

So you guys know me, after 15 minutes I'm like "I'm going in. RIDICULOUS". As soon as the hostess approaches me (or maybe it was the other way around, I have no idea), she asks me if I'm ready for my table. Um what? YES! Don't pretend like you know who I am and that you are ready to seat me! Yes, my last name is ******* and my reservation was at 1:45. These are my friends the ******, they have been waiting longer than we have. So we get seated (not together), but not without my blood pressure rising a bit.

The food is FANTASTIC at Shaun's. It was an Easter buffet. Buffets are always dangerous...the price tag and the sheer amounts of food you can consume can be scary enough to stop you from partaking, but I'd recommend it at Shaun's. I had: several slices of sirloin, potatoes, grits, eggs, grilled mushrooms, grilled asparagus, some rolls, then more sirloin, more grits...oh yeah...I went back for seconds! Then I had a slice of banoffee pie (MMMMMMMMM). All EXCELLENT! Also, their White Peach Bellini - GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! White peach puree and prosecco. I could drink it all day!

Overall.... one star for service.... 4 stars for food.
mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm good

Happy Easter

Enjoy the Peep Show.

xoxo

Lola

Ding!

this is my car.
well, not THIS one. mine is a beat up version of this car.
its a 2003 Toyota Corolla S (sport edition, not really...it doesn't go any faster than the regular one).
my car and i have been through a lot together. i've driven her up to Virginia from Atlanta (twice). She's gotten keyed (all of her). She's been in an accident (not her fault). She's been lost (thanks, Steven)...
I've been mean to her on occasion and she has the dents and scratches to prove it.
However, I don't like it when people disrespect my car. AT ALL.
I can do what I want to her. She's mine. If I see dents and scratches that were not caused by me, I get PISSED.
Well, the bitches that live in my building that park to the left and right of me don't know how to park. In fact, I've had to post notes on our "community" bulletin board on how to park. Seriously. How hard is it to park in between the lines? Not hard. I can do it. I can do it backwards. They seem to have learned a bit better after I posted the note, but the newest bitch to my building never saw the note and she invades my space and the person to the left with her white Honda.... A LOT.
A couple of weeks ago I started noticing white door marks on Corolla. Was angry, didn't say anything because I could scratch the white paint off with my nail, but it kept on happening.
Now I NEVER swing my doors open if someone is close. This goes not only for my parking lot, but any parking lot. I abide by the Golden Rule.
A couple of days pass and I notice another white mark. Scratch that off. Then I notice another. BITCH IS NOT BEING CAREFUL WITH HER DOOR. It was eating away at me. I must say something!
Yesterday after work, I knocked her door and who should answer? Nick from my building. The same loser douchebag that got into my face about reprimanding loser-bar Diesel about being too loud when I'm trying to sleep. Apparently, he and his girlfriend moved into the building and the white Honda is her car. Awesome.
"Look, I know you and I don't get along, but I've been noticing paint marks on my car. Can you and your girlfriend please be gentle when opening your car door? I don't know who has been scratching my car, but I wanted to say something the the people I know are parking next to me"
I mean, I think that is fair. What if I get a new car? I don't want dent marks from my own parking lot.
His response? "I'm the only one that gets out of the passenger seat and I'm pretty sure I've never dinged your car"
Mine? "Okay, just wanted to say something. Have a good day"
I know it's them. If I see one more scratch, I'm being extremely NOT GENTLE with my door.

HOT

Speed Racer go! gO! GO!

i've been running since the half marathon over a week and a half ago. mainly, because i've been eating like a pig, but also because NC and I are doing the Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon in Chicago. Even though I have no clue what my time was for the ING - I know it was slower than I could have run it so lately when I've gone running, I turn up the speed. I can't run as far with the speed turned up, but it makes me feel better that I'm running faster. Yesterday I doubled my mileage. Hard - but worth it.

In other news, I'm looking forward to having a Coke this Sunday. I gave it up for Lent (among other things) and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to Easter mass then brunch at Shaun's Social Club & Restaurant with Sasha. It's always good when you have something to look forward to on the weekend.

Speaking of things to look forward to, I am date nighting with my Yones at Five Guys tonight. I'm looking forward to a lot of eating! I can't help it. This is why I'll never be anorexic. I guess thats a good thing?

I've been listening to Pandora all week and Doves radio is THE BOMB!
If you haven't heard of or listened to the Doves - CHECK THEM OUT! THEY ARE AWESOME!
Also, listen to Lola Stars and Stripes by the Stills off their Logic Will Break Your Heart Album. Very good and recommended by Cray-Z.

Lola out...or at least until I have something to say...

oh you know what? I just thought of something to recount....

So my coworkers and I get together every first Monday of the month to play trivia at the wing place down the skreet (oh yeah, i say skreet now) from my house. Well one of us, the lamer one, got dumped last Wednesday, which also happens to be the same date she got dumped last year. Apparently, she likes to date dudes with a really cool sense of humor. Anyway, she's not over it and let's be honest, I wouldn't be either, but I also wouldn't talk about it to people I work with. Nor would I cry in front of them. I have been known to cry at my desk, but never publicly. Thats just embarrassing. So anyway, she walks into trivia on Monday night BAWLING. BAWLING. Seriously having a FIT. It's about her breakup and how she's angry that her ex-boyfriend charged her for things she thought he was paying for on their recent trip to Vail. She then starts to ask anyone and everyone seated on the outdoor patio how much they'd pay for lift tickets, flights to Colorado, rental of an Expedition, meals, everything. She basically ruins trivia night. Then she starts talking about how she doesn't make much money, but he did...wah wah...in front of coworkers! I mean you don't discuss salary (no matter how general or specific) with your coworkers. UGH! This continued all through trivia.

In sum, when someone comes to an event crying....
TELL THEM TO LEAVE!

You know this has happened to you

Last night my friend Sasha encountered this:



You know this has happened to you. Tell Lola about it after the jump! Please, if you have some insight as to why black dudes do this (and yes, I just made a gigantic generalization) please do tell Lola.

Asstro

Last Tuesday, Pookie and Cray-Z invited me over to their house for dinner. I wasn't hungry, so I watched them eat while I thumbed through one of their magazines. They announced they wanted to have a party this Saturday (yesterday) and I asked what the occasion was. They said "spring" and then I said why not have a theme? Theme parties are always good. Like last year's deck party (they'd just gotten a new deck and I mentioned having a BYOP - Bring Your Own Plant - party. Huge Success for their garden!). We threw out international night (Cray-Z has a Mexican poncho and a kaftan-thing he got in Morocco). He said I could wear the poncho and then I said something about dressing up our friend's huge standard poodle, King, as a donkey. Somehow mentioning the donkey turned into a donkey theme...and...well.... it turned into Donkey Party 2009!

I was tasked with putting up a CraigsList ad. I posted two - one in the "Services Wanted" section and the "Outdoor/Garden" section. Both basically said we needed to rent a donkey for use in Midtown Atlanta on Saturday, April 4 and that we were willing to pay $50 and there would be free food and drink for the owner. Sounded reasonable especially since we'd perused CraigsList looking for donkeys before we posted ads of our own. You'd be amazed how many people in the general vicinity have donkeys they are willing to sell. Prices ranged from $25 to just under $400. To be fair, it was a mean donkey that was on sale for $25. Anyway, I placed the ad hoping for responses. 

I got some the next morning. Most everyone asked me what the donkey was for. I kinda thought that was funny, but I guess the idea of renting a donkey just to have it hang out at a party is kinda strange. That really was all we wanted. Just for one to hang out. So I told everyone that wrote me - five people in all - that we wanted a donkey just for laughs. I got no responses. 

So yesterday at 5:00pm, when the party started, there was no donkey. I certainly wasn't expecting a donkey. Pookie had a plan of her own. Apparently, while I was out trying to get T-shirt transfers (Donkey Party 2009 t-shirts, who doesn't need one?), some woman came to their house and asked if they still needed a donkey. Pookie had contacted her during the week but I guess she'd never returned the call. The lady had been at a 2 year old's party in the Highlands earlier in the day with her small farm animals, since we were down the street, she stopped by.

PERFECT TIMING! 

The donkey was only around for about an hour (maybe more, I had a little too much of the Donkey punch concoction) but we all took pictures and had a grand ole' time. 

This may, I fear, become an annual event. 

NICE!

BUZZKILLA,

You recently asked Lola what "meow" was about. Please watch the below video.

Thank you,

www.akalola.blogspot.com Staff

Love this bitch...

Dating 101: The Six Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
The Millionaire Matchmaker sums up the errors single women commit and offers advice on how to avoid them

By dating blogger Erin Meanley for Glamour

I am a huge reality TV junkie and Bravo's "Millionaire Matchmaker" is one of my favorite shows. So I was more nervous to talk to the matchmaker herself, Patti Stanger, than I've ever been for a date with a man. But enough about me. Let's get to the good stuff (I'm obsessed!!). Check out some of the biggest dating mistakes women make!

#1: They go on too many unproductive dates. "If you know how to date, and you're meeting losers, get off the market and go into dating detox. Clean your energy up so those people don't ask you out anymore. The problem is we women are very impatient. We want it now. Instant gratification! Sometimes the best single men are worth waiting for. You might get one good date a year, versus 100 bad ones, but he's worth it."
#2: They go out with their girlfriends in the hopes of meeting guys. "When you're with your girlfriends, you're not approachable. They're scared. Single men are very timid. I have this theory: Women who travel in packs do not attract. Men who are quality aren't going to go in there and ask you out while your girlfriends are standing right there -- he could get shot down. So it's a really good idea, at about 4 or 4:30 P.M., to go to the bar: Sit at the bar, have a drink, get an hors d'oeuvre, read a mutual-gender book like "The Da Vinci Code," know the score on TV, and pretend you're busy. You're reading a book, you're eating an hors d'oeuvre, you're meeting a friend -- and then you're more approachable because you're by yourself."
#3: They think a guy will always like them if he just gets to know them. "A guy knows right away if he's attracted to you or not. There's no warming up. Men are microwaves, women are Crockpots. Women heat up very slowly. They take in information; they decipher it and download it into their computer. Men know in one second, yes or no."
#4: They overshare on the date. "Single women are so trusting that they tell too much information about themselves. They pump and dump -- they baggage dump! They say, "I'm all relaxed, now he's my best friend and I can tell him whatever I want." They're nervous, and they tell their life story -- and sometimes their life story is not a good story to tell."
#5: They don't let the guy talk enough. "The way you talk on a date should be like a tennis match, but the guy should talk three times as often. It should be 3:1. He volleys, volleys, volleys, now you talk. You can answer the question every time he volleys, but then you lead him with your question, and it should be topical to the conversation he's having. You don't say, 'Hey, do you want to get married? Hey, what's your ex-girlfriend like?' You don't do that. You lead with what he's talking about."
#6: They forget their manners. "The key to a good date is to smile. Engage with eye contact. Let him lead and then you compliment little things along the way. If he orders the dessert and you guys share it, say, 'Oh, this is the best chocolate mousse, I'm so glad you picked this.' Manners are key. Most people do not have manners."