the guru

i recently revealed to my guru some things about my running.
the first was that i was disappointed in my runs. i feel like i should be faster and have more endurance, but most of the time i feel like i'm gasping for air and don't have much motivation to go past a certain mileage. i think because i'm going to to gym to do my runs, i watch the clock too closely and can't avoid thinking "when the fuck is this going to end?" (for real, i say that in my head)

when Guru asked me to join he and his wife on an upcoming run, i expressed hesitation because even though i have been running (and in spite of the gasping and the almost dying), my runs have become therapeutic. sometimes, i'll even start crying...so in other words, running has gotten very personal.

well, guru thought about this yesterday and gave me some advice:

Guru: so I was thinking about your emotional running... I think that is good for you long term.
instead of your blog "walk away" this could be like "run away" (from past distress, recent turds and other emotional baggage).

Lola: emotional running?
expand
oh you mean like crying when i run?

Guru: I find that running really clears my mind and helps focus. very similar to meditation you focus on keeping your breathing standard and try to think about your "thought patterns" not just your thoughts. the breath is the simplest thing in life, for without which there would be nothing else, so when things get too overwelming, bring it back to the simplest of terms "the breath" and then think back to WHY you were thinking about whatever you were thinking and reflect on how your pattern of thoughts got you there. don't worry about your pace of running, work on maintaining a constant and sustainable breath... the rest both physically and emotionally will work themselves out. I find that running with headphones only serves as a distraction to one's real thoughts and interferes with finding breath. Remember, to focus on your breathing, if you can keep a natural steady rhythym that is the right pace. try to take yourself out of the "drama" of your thoughts and try to figure out how your pattern of thoughts "connected and flowed" so that it brought you to where you felt emotional in one way or another. Those "connections of thoughts" should give you insight into what is bothering you.

Excellent advice. I'll be sure to tell you how it turns out.