The Last Will & Testament of Lola

So I went to the doctor today to see what is going on with my left knee. I'm pretty sure it was that one night of P90x that did it to me and not the running I do 3-4 times a week. Of course when I woke up this morning (day of my appointment), it didn't hurt as much. Of course.
Since I am a new patient of Emory Sports Medicine, I had to fill out the usual paperwork. Since I live far away from my family, I never know who to put down for my emergency contact. I would put my mom, but what good is it going to be if she's in Virginia and I'm in Atlanta in the event of an actual emergency? So I put down Mama C. I was happy with this decision. When I text her, she text me back asking me if this gives her power of attorney. Hilarious, Mama C.
But it did get me thinking...
In the event of a medical emergency, here's what I'd like to happen:
1) Take me off the machine. I don't want to lie there while you talk about me.
2) Split my belongings amongst my niece, my nephew and Mama C and Cray-Z's son
3) Cremate me and don't put me in any fancy urn. In fact, if you knock over my ashes, I don't mind if you vacuum me up.
Okay, now you are all legally bound to do what I asked.
Thank you.