Keeping Up with the Joneses

Yesterday I had an 8:15am appointment with my psychiatrist.
He asked me if I'd gone to one of the Al-Anon meetings he'd suggested and I admitted I hadn't.
He then used the following analogy:
You need to go to one of these meetings so that you realize you have a choice in behaving in a way opposite to how you've been behaving. It's like this...I write left-handed. I'm comfortable writing left-handed. I don't write right-handed because I don't think I have a choice, but if someone teaches me to write right-handed - I know I have a choice. It's difficult to make the adjustment, but if someone teaches me, I know I can do it. You have a choice too, but I don't think you'll recognize you have a choice on your own. Without that choice you'll continue to repeat your patterns.

This really bothered me, but at the same time, I can't bring myself to go to an Al-Anon meeting or a Co-Dependent meeting. I haven't figured out why exactly. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm ashamed. Maybe I think I can do this on my own (even though I know in my heart I can't). I want someone to go with me, but I guess that is co-dependency at its finest. I don't know. I'm just confused. Part of me wants to go and the other part of me wants to try to work this out on my own. I'll see what my therapist says. I see her today at 6pm.

My psychiatrist upped my Effexor dosage from 75mg to 150mg. Today is my first day at 150mg. I'm feeling a bit tired and sickly right now, but I was feeling sickly before I upped the dosage. Today should be interesting. I tried to ask for Ambien or Lunesta for my trip to England but he advised me against it mostly because of the side effects. He also noted that the prescriptions he's given me for Xanax and Klonopin have about the same effect.

Anyway. It was a longish day yesterday, but I managed to get a lot done.
I'd promised Yones on Monday that I'd go up to Norcross/Roswell (parent's house) with him on Tuesday. He needed to pick up his car title. So we did that after work and on the way up there I was struggling to keep my eyes open, but the Yoneses are one of my favorite Georgia families, so I knew I had to wake the eff up by the time I got there.

They fed us and liqoured us up (well just me, Yones drove) as usual. Told funny stories. It was goodtimes. They make me laugh. I always like to be a witness to family dynamics and the Yones family dynamic is AWESOME to watch.

Feeling sick, I drove home (on the highway!), talked to my mom some on the way (who's feeling poopy. FEEL BETTER SOON MANGO! like she read this...), got home and took a shot of Nyquil.

Now I'm back at work and feeling slightly off. Ugh.