how Bazzaar, how Bazzaar

Towards the middle of the week, Yones decided he wanted to celebrate his 34th birthday at Bazzaar, our old stomping grounds (well after Halo and MJQ). Its been awhile since I wanted to feel sexy when going out. Who am I kidding? Its been awhile since I've actually wanted to go out at all, so after work I met Pookie at Atlantic Station to find something sexy for me and some things for her NYC girls weekend. I got there earlier than her because around 5:30 my boss was like "It's Friday - go home, start drinking". I hit H&M, Old Navy, the ridiculously priced Nani-Sensorium, K-La and...well, I guess thats it. Maybe its because it was raining out or maybe its because I was by myself, but my first round around was kinda "bleh". I didn't see anything. Wouldn't you know it, when Pookie got there and I did my second lap - TADA! - I found something. a long see-through-ish black, white and fuschia dress. It sounds funky, but it was really cute and as Pookie pointed out "it makes your boobies look good."

SOLD!

so I met Yones at Bazzaar around 10pm. I'm not sure when people started going out so early (yes, 10 is early), but it was PACKED when I got there. G&J, M&F and the 2 Zzz's joined us - basically my favorite and hottest gay boys....except the 2 Zzzz's. I didn't know them. I only drank a glass of wine the whole night, but didn't need to have any more than that since I drove. We all had a blast dancing, people watching and taking pictures.  Since people can smoke in Bazzaar, by the time I left (12:30ish) and got in my car to drive home, I STUNK. 

Happy Birthday, Yones! I love you!

confused

Yesterday towards the end of the day I got a message from Good S**.
A week or so ago I noticed his status message said he was looking for a TV. I offered up my 1996 tube TV. I told him I use bunny ears on it and have no idea if it will pass the looming digital compliance, but it was free if he wanted to pick it up. I've been trying to get rid of this TV for years but have hung on to it because I never wanted to just give it away to a thrift store and there's no way I could sell it. Its worth nothing. Giving my TV to good S was a way to ensure it was going to a safe home. HAHA! I know my rationale is dumb, but c'mon. I've had the thing since 1996 AND I bought it with my own money, but hanging on to an old ass TV for nostalgia doesn't save me any space. Plus, I've been meaning to get a flat screen for my room.

Anyway, so good S messaged me towards the end of the day asking me if he could stop by after trivia (around 10:30pm) to look at and possibly pick up the TV. This was perfect since it gave me time to go to the gym. Done and done.

So when he knocked my door around 10:30pm it didn't surprise me but I don't think either of us knew how to greet each other. We've been pretty intimate in the past and it's now understood that neither of us feels that way any longer, so there was no hug, no kiss on the cheek. That was kinda weird for me because I usually greet friends with at least a hug, but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries that had recently been made. So I led him to my bedroom where the TV was and he told me to check out what he was wearing (a University of Maryland t-shirt, which was cute and an inside joke, and also strange since he's a HUGE UGA fan). I thought it was funny and sweet that he'd decided to wear our joke over. Anyway, he checked out the TV and decided he'd take it and I told him to take good care of her (yes, the TV is female) and he said, well, if you miss her, you can visit her at my house...to which I thought...hmmmm. Okay whatever.

His visit was short and sweet. I didn't know whether or not to invite him to stay. It was just kinda awkward - so I didn't. There was no hug or peck on the cheek goodbye, as he was carrying a heavy tube TV, so I led him to the door and we stood there for several seconds until he managed a "See ya around". I'm not sure if I got a thank you or not. I guess it doesn't matter.

I suppose by now all of you are wondering why I'm reading anything into this if we are meant to be friends, but this is a fairly new experience for me. I don't do the friends after sex thing. If we've gone out a couple of times and I've slept with you and it didn't turn out well or at all, I'm not going to be friends with you. The thing is, good S is drama free. And I like that. So I will chalk this up to the new Lola way of doing things and will be happy I can call a former "partner" a friend.

** For those of you who need a refresher, good S is a man I met randomly several years ago. I was a bitch and didn't return calls way back when, but then he found me on Facebook, we hung out a couple of times and then he was the bitch and never called me back. We've since been emailing here and there as friends. and ONLY friends.

Saturday

I spent the majority of yesterday in bed. High at the Jazz, I mean Jazz at the High, on Friday night was a little much for this granny. I didn't even stay up late but I was so drunk and I'd eaten four slices of Papa John's (not so gluten-free) that I passed out and when I heard walking around from the comfort of Pookie and Cray-Z's office futon I mumbled, turned my back to the office door and went back to bed. 

I eventually crawled out of the office futon and into my car and crawled back into my bed. Slept until like 1 or 2pm, got up, did something I can't remember and then I decided I needed a good run, so I went to the gym and ran 4.5 miles and then went to target to buy Pookie's parents a Wii Fit (they've been wanting one and it's the least I can do considering I will be staying in their house soon for 10 days). I also bought myself a new DVD player because mine hasn't worked in awhile. I've had it forever! After Tarjaaaay I went to Publix because I was rather enjoying my "me" day and decided I would cook me a Mexican fiesta. I did that, watched some Bravo, and then finally sat down to read Eat, Pray, Love in earnest. 

NC had told me about this book awhile ago. She likened the writing style to the style in which I write this blog. Very honest, very direct, very open. I loved the compliment, so of course I bought the book, but I never really sat down to read it, until last night.

I can't really say what prompted me to crack it open and read. I haven't been in the reading mood for awhile, but I'm so glad I did. I didn't go to bed until 3am. I'm halfway through Book 2. 

I can relate to the story and it's brought me such clarity into my own life. It's brought perspective. In fact, I'm glad I read this before I found out Anti-Christ was in a relationship because, honestly, I don't know if I'd be okay if I hadn't. 

Things with the Anti-Christ have been over for a LONG time, but there has always been residual mess left from every time we come back to one another. Eat, Pray, Love is teaching me how best to deal with that mess and how a wider perspective can help me cope. It really is quite difficult to articulate what I want to say, but suffice it to say. I'm glad I finally opened myself to reading this book. I can't wait to get back home and read the rest. 

In a Relationship with....

I found out today that the Anti-Christ is in a relationship and for the first time ever, I DON'T CARE! I don't. I think I may even be happy for him. I mean, not call-him-up-and-tell-him I'm happy for him, but just happy for him. 

But most importantly....

I'm happy for me. I am so happy, I am grinning from ear to ear and crying at the same time. After I found out and processed my emotions, I called everyone that has watched me suffer for the past month or so - the not eating and the not sleeping and the overall misery - that I felt so FREE. I had an overwhelming sense of JOY that I needed to proclaim to everyone!

Free from the misery, the heartache, the addiction.

So, Anti-Christ, if you're reading this, I'm happy for you. You deserve it and I can say with all confidence SO DO I!

And for all my friends, I'm so happy right now its overwhelming.

In fact, I'm over at Pookie's house and the first thing out of my mouth when I walked in the door was, "This is going to sound weird, but can I have a hug?" 

She called me a freak, but she agreed and I hugged her so tight and just started trembling and crying. It took me so long to reach THIS place, but I'm here. Finally! And I'm so happy.

2009 Fall RTW

I was watching the Today Show the other day and Nina Garcia was saying that designers, being more mindful of the current economic crisis, are designing things that jump out at us and compel us to buy - designing things we covet. I haven't seen any of that. I mean, Oscar de la Renta doesn't usually disappoint but his collection is blase at best.

Nina Garcia's comment really gave me something to think about. I was recently out at Phipp's (Atlanta's "chic" mall) looking at clothes, shoes and accessories I can't afford. Even before the economy tanked I couldn't afford most of what is being sold at Phipps, but at least back then there were things I felt like I couldn't be without. I wanted them that badly, I'd do anything to make it happen. Skimp on the groceries or the going out to get that expensive pair of shoes. I don't see anything that makes me want to do that.

Nowadays, its important for designers to man up. Design things that really make you want to enter the combination code to your wallet and open it up. I mean people, myself included, aren't freely opening up their wallets to give out money. If you have any shot at making me buy your ultra expensive clothing, shoes, accessories give me something I can't live without.

hanky panky

hanky panky is my favorite underwear. they are amazinginly comfy thongs that come in every color of the rainbow! if you don't have a pair, go replace all your underwear with them. well actually i take that back. keep some underwear for period days and when you go to the gym because i made the mistake of wearing hanky panky to the gym.

i have to say, after running 4 miles, hanky panky is not so comfy.

just sayin'

one for the books

this not sleeping in my own bed thing on the weekend is getting kinda funny.

Friday night was mine and Sasha's monthly dinner. We didn't do one in January because we were recovering from Christmas. We chose Serpas True Food @ Studioplex on Auburn Ave. somewhere between Inman Park and Cabbagetown. Across from the creepy smokestack I used to want to live in. 

The space is really big and lofty but not too industrial. I don't go past that area often so I hadn't noticed that it's been there for about 4 weeks. At least that is what the waiter told us. Sasha and I had been drinking before we got there at 6:30pm for our 7:00pm reservation, so the first thing out of my mouth after the waiter left was that he looks like a rat and I started singing "Somewhere Out There" (Fievel's song from An American Tale). I'm such a bitch. In the beginning he was a little too attentive and we dropped not-so-subtle hint after not-so-subtle hint that we were taking our time, but he would not back off, towards the end of the meal he caught on. 

Sasha and I ordered a $25 bottle of chardonnay and ordered mushroom tostadas - which were basically like mushroom and brie-filled Tostitos scoop/bowl things. I shouldn't say that. That takes away from how delicious they were. Seriously delicioso. I later said I probably could have had several orders of that and been fine. Sasha ordered the scallops (I think? I was so drunk I can't remember now) and I ordered the KC Strip Steak. I definitely know I ordered the KC Strip steak because towards the end of it (and it was huge by the way), I almost picked it up and started gnawing on the bone like a dog. Gross. 

In spite of that, when Sasha asked me at the end of the evening whether I'd come back I said probably only for drinks. Their bar area is cute. 

So Sasha and I do these monthly dinners and we calculated that if we do one every month this year and each one costs us approximately $60 a month, that's over $700 in food a year. Yikes. So we decided to do alternate dining styles every month. I'd mentioned earlier in the evening I'd never been to Bojangles or Zaxby's (heard good things about both), so next month we're going to Bojangles. 

THATS RIGHT I SAID BOJANGLES!

This particular conversation was a lot funnier when we had it - but you had to be there. Actually, the whole evening was great conversation. Thanks, Sasha. Thanks also because she let me sleep on her couch. I was too drunk to drive. I left at 7:30ish the next morning. I had been wearing a black and white dress that came just above my knee, no tights and my black patent stilettos on Friday night. Well, Sasha gave me a pair of velour pants to wear for overnight. So imagine me in the morning coming across a running group and a power walker on the way to my car, my hair a mess, velour pants with patent stilettos and a trenchcoat. Hot. I was THE walk of shame. 

Saturday during the day I didn't do ANYTHING. I laid in bed Facebooking and sleeping and doing nothing. I didn't get out of bed until like 2:00pm to eat something and take a shower. I was meeting Yones at 5:00 to watch Rachel Getting Married and have dinner at Apres Diem. 

Rachel Getting Married is an interesting movie. I cried a lot. There are parts that made me really uncomfortable, but in that familiar sort of way. I can see why Anne Hathaway has been nominated for awards for her role as Kim the messed up sister of Rachel. She was really amazing. Definitely broke out of her Ella Enchanted and Princess Diaries Disney roles. Yes, I'm embarrassed I know that. Afterwards we wandered into Apres Diem and as soon as we walked in and the hostess asked us if we had reservations I remembered what day it was. Red and pink and couples EVERYWHERE. It's funny how you can tell city couples from suburban couples. I'm not trying to be a location snob here, but you can tell. It's in the way they dress and carry themselves and at Apres Diem, its also what culture they are - since Apres is frequented by the "international" set. 

Both Yones and I weren't ready to call it a night after dinner so we hatched a Valentine's Day plan. WE WERE GOING TO CHILES! Yes, I said CHILES! We wanted a goofy night, and what better place then Chiles? It's also a MARTA stop away from Yones' house, so we could get as wasted as we wanted to, take MARTA and only walk a short distance back. Perfect. 

So we get there and I order a MUDSLIDE (hahahaa) and Yones orders a margarita. We watched some of the pre-All-Star game festivities like the Slam Dunk contest, but way more interesting than that was the entertainment in the form of Chiles customers. Lets see:

The Connected: Have you ever seen that reality show on E! or Bravo about John Gotti's family? Growing Up Gotti or something? Anyway, there were these two dudes at the bar, one older and one younger - looked like a father/son pair but I think they were friends. Anyway, I turned to Yones and I was like, these dudes look like something out of that Gotti show. He says to me (in his finest Jersey accent), oooh you think they're connected?? Hysterical. 

The Talker: So when we saddled up to the bar there was this couple that were looking at us because we were standing there deciding whether the area where we wanted to sit had really been vacated (no plates or glasses had been cleared). The dude is all sit sit sit! We kinda are just like oooook and sit. He then launches into this explanation/justification as to why he's there. How everything is booked and so he and his girlfriend decided to come to Chiles. Um. I'm pretty sure it was not her decision to come to Chiles for Valentine's Day. Only me and Yones make that decision. He tries talking to us the rest of the time both of them are there. So annoying. I mean if you are going to take your girlfriend out to Chiles for Valentine's Day, TALK TO HER!

Svetlana & Nadja: There really isn't a story to this one except that these two Russian girls walked in (they were speaking Russian when they walked in) and they looked like hookers. One of them was wearing a faux cheetah shrug and a red nightgown and had the worst fried blonde hair I'd seen in awhile. Nice.

Bacchus: Bacchus is the Greek god of wine and was allegedly always drunk and happy and obese. Well, we had a Bacchus of our own in the corner booth at Chiles. He'd get up with his empty wine glass, start talking to the guy sitting across from him, go up to the Jersey (or Gwinnett in this case) girls at the bar and just run his mouth. He was clearly drunk and I was clearly relieved that he left not long after we arrived. Disaster.

White/Black: Three girls clearly not from the city of Atlanta walk into the bar and one of them has the worst hair I've ever seen. I'm not sure what stripper popularized this look, but you'll be thinking "stripper" when I start describing it. The girl is rail thin, but clearly has a push up bra on (or fake boobs) and is almost orange. The best part of her is her hair. Its platinum blonde on the top (meaning the first half of her hair and the underside is black. AWFUL.

These were just some of the characters at the Lindbergh Chiles. I highly recommend an evening out there.

Yones and I left around 12:30am to make the last MARTA home. I had two very strong Mudslides and he had three margaritas. We were happy drunk. Then we took some Xanax and went to bed. 

And that, my friends, is how you do Valentine's Day in the ATL! what WHAT!

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Yesterday I had an 8:15am appointment with my psychiatrist.
He asked me if I'd gone to one of the Al-Anon meetings he'd suggested and I admitted I hadn't.
He then used the following analogy:
You need to go to one of these meetings so that you realize you have a choice in behaving in a way opposite to how you've been behaving. It's like this...I write left-handed. I'm comfortable writing left-handed. I don't write right-handed because I don't think I have a choice, but if someone teaches me to write right-handed - I know I have a choice. It's difficult to make the adjustment, but if someone teaches me, I know I can do it. You have a choice too, but I don't think you'll recognize you have a choice on your own. Without that choice you'll continue to repeat your patterns.

This really bothered me, but at the same time, I can't bring myself to go to an Al-Anon meeting or a Co-Dependent meeting. I haven't figured out why exactly. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm ashamed. Maybe I think I can do this on my own (even though I know in my heart I can't). I want someone to go with me, but I guess that is co-dependency at its finest. I don't know. I'm just confused. Part of me wants to go and the other part of me wants to try to work this out on my own. I'll see what my therapist says. I see her today at 6pm.

My psychiatrist upped my Effexor dosage from 75mg to 150mg. Today is my first day at 150mg. I'm feeling a bit tired and sickly right now, but I was feeling sickly before I upped the dosage. Today should be interesting. I tried to ask for Ambien or Lunesta for my trip to England but he advised me against it mostly because of the side effects. He also noted that the prescriptions he's given me for Xanax and Klonopin have about the same effect.

Anyway. It was a longish day yesterday, but I managed to get a lot done.
I'd promised Yones on Monday that I'd go up to Norcross/Roswell (parent's house) with him on Tuesday. He needed to pick up his car title. So we did that after work and on the way up there I was struggling to keep my eyes open, but the Yoneses are one of my favorite Georgia families, so I knew I had to wake the eff up by the time I got there.

They fed us and liqoured us up (well just me, Yones drove) as usual. Told funny stories. It was goodtimes. They make me laugh. I always like to be a witness to family dynamics and the Yones family dynamic is AWESOME to watch.

Feeling sick, I drove home (on the highway!), talked to my mom some on the way (who's feeling poopy. FEEL BETTER SOON MANGO! like she read this...), got home and took a shot of Nyquil.

Now I'm back at work and feeling slightly off. Ugh.

just sayin'

Ne-Yo would never beat a woman. I just know it.
And he sounds better than Chris Brown too.
MMMKAY!

Stay

I'm watching the Grammy Awards.
I haven't really been into country music since college and the Dixie Chicks. I just heard SugarLand perform "Stay". It really touched me. The lyrics really speak. I'm not going to repost the lyrics, but if you're interested, give it a listen. It's pretty emotional.

I was over last week before it started so by Friday I was just ready to go out for pre-birthday festivities with L. HOWEVER, Pookie (formerly mama C) brightened my day, week, month, year by asking me if I wanted to join her on a trip to England March 6-17. I didn't hesitate with my answer, though I had to check to see if it conflicted with my coworkers' vacation schedules (all of us are out sometime between late February and the end of March). I did conflict with someone, but she's not in my "department", so we were good and the tickets were booked. Passport checked - not expired. I'M GOING TO ENGLAND! I'm so happy!

So back to Friday night. L and I had planned to eat dinner at Tamarind Seed at Colony Square and catch a showing of "He's Just Not That Into You". Judging by all the posts by the women on my Facebook friends list, I had an inkling the movies would be busy Friday night, so I skipped lunch and left early to go buy tickets. Pookie joined us for the movie. Dinner was great - Tamarind Seed does not disappoint. I always get the Duck Curry - spicey level 3. So the movie was was decent and I suppose it was worth the money...I don't know what I was expecting...I mean they turned a self-help book into a romantic comedy but I wish at least one of the couples (well, I guess there was one) had a "real" relationship, not a made-for-movies relationship. Anyway. L drove the entire night, so when she didn't feel well, I offered to drive her home and she or her husband J would drive me home in the morning. You know I just realized I didn't spend the weekend in my own bed. HAHAHAHA! Makes me sound like a whore. ;)
I love L + J's house. I think the proper way to describe it is mid-century modern, but the interior is the most impressive. Both of them are very stylish and the decor is very them. One of the guest room walls housed J's Frank Kozik Dunny, Labbit, Sarge, etc. (toy) collection. It was awesome! I had to take pictures. L was feeling better in the morning and drove me home. I even went home with more than I came in with - J gave me a lamp. NICE!

hmm...I just paused from blogging to read about how Chris Brown may have beat Rihanna during a fight on Saturday night. OH HELL NO! also, why is TI performing at the Grammy's? He has a curfew in Atlanta. He's going to jail soon. Anyway.

After L dropped me and my new lamp off (haha) I got dressed to meet Pookie at the gym for our BodyWorks class. That class seriously kicks my ass every single time. It also cracks me up. The instructor, Jorge (I am not sure what kind of Latino he has in him because he is a skinny, white gay man) is HILARIOUS. I can't sit on the toilet or lay down or get back up comfortably, but I'm going back next Saturday - YOU KNOW IT. Afterwards, I went to Pookie and Cray-Z's house and laid on their deck to soak in the sun. I can't describe how beautiful it was yesterday. No clouds in the sky, sunny, mid to upper 60s. Just a gorgeous day! We decided to go to Piedmont Park so Cray-Z could exercise and we can do more laying about. Our friend, R, joined us. She's always fun. We laid around as planned and then had lunch on the Willy's patio. I should mention that I haven't really been eating all that great or hydrating so by the time we got to walking to Willy's for "dunch" I almost passed out. When I stood up everything got so bright and I got really nauseous. Oops. Must remember to eat.

So then we eventually left the park and I eventually went home to take a shower and clean some, but I went back over to Pookie and Cray-Z's to lay on the floor, drink beer and watch movies. I slept in their office on the futon becuase I got drunk. Off three beers. Nice. See. I told you I didn't sleep in my bed all weekend.

So now I'm here in my house. Been working and cleaning all day. Now I'm jamming out to the Grammy performances. AND I'M GOING TO ENGLAND! BOOYA!

Virginia Therapy - Saturday - Good Stuff

okay so clearly from the FLIP post, I don't watch Top Chef.
well Saturday was me and NC's date. Our dates are always centered around food. We have a "thing" about Five Guys, but she wanted to take me somewhere more upscale and since being back from her travels abroad had only heard rave reviews about Good Stuff.

Good Stuff is Chef Spike's creation. He was on Top Chef, too (NC says Richard Blais was better). Anyway, Chef Spike opened up a FLIP of his own called Good Stuff. It's gourmet burgers and milkshakes just like FLIP. The decor is more industrial/Chipotle-esque than fashionable FLIP, but the basic idea is the same. Burgers. Fries. Shakes.

NC and I both ordered the Good Stuff burger with cheese and a Toasted Marshmallow milkshake.

The burger - okay. I have to say the FLIP burger is still tops for me, but the Toasted Marshmallow milkshake.

FUCK ME IT IS SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I'VE EVER HAD IN MY MOUTH.

Take that how you want it, but it is so FUCKINGGOOD.

if you're in DC, eat the burger if you're hungry and drink the milkshake because you'll be able to die happy!

http://www.goodstuffeatery.com/

Virginia Therapy - Friday

All I wanted to do on Friday was get on my plane headed for Washington Dulles International Airport.

I woke up the most miserable I'd ever been in my entire life. That is no exaggeration.
My alarm usually goes off at 7:30am but I managed to snooze and then reset to 8:50. I am supposed to be at work at 9:00am. I changed pants, but I didn't brush my teeth or comb my hair. I looked exactly like I felt.

The whole day was a blur, but I was always mindful of how long I had until I had to get to the airport. I went home after work and immediately jumped into the shower.
Since the bitches at AirTran charge you $15 for every bag you check now, I packed my carry-on with almost nothing and went to mama C and papa R's for a hug and a ride to the smarta. I didn't really need the ride (but grateful they could do it for me). Mostly I just needed the hug.

You always see (sometimes meet) the weirdest people on the smarta. I shouldn't say weird - more like interesting, but in this case I would say dangerous. So I'm on the smarta minding my own business when a woman with a two carrier stroller comes in. One of her little ones is still in the stroller and she's carrying the littlest one in her arms. A drunk homeless dude comes stumbling into the train behind her. Talking in jibberish. All of us on the train ignore the man.

The woman asks me if my shoes are AirMax. I say they are Adidas. This polite banter continues for several stops and I start making faces and saying hi to the baby. Something I do prompts the baby to coo and the homeless man stands up, gets into my face and starts saying something about how I'm a miracle, the baby talked to me, I need to continue my miracle. Both me and the woman are giving each other looks like "crazy". And he just goes on and on. He tries to touch my hand and I have to slap him away. The other people on the train starting to come to my defense because at one point I had to kick him away. The woman's stop comes and she gets off the train saying something like "Nice to meet you. Good Luck" and I'm praying the dude gets off with her, but he doesn't and he keeps trying to talk to me. When I say talk I mean mumble some language I've never heard before. This whole time he's carrying a pack of 3 pairs of white tube socks, before he gets off at his stop he opens the package and gives me a pair. I throw them back at him.

It was kinda dangerous, but funny too. I kinda needed the laugh.

So I sleep through my flight. My mom, my sister and my nephew come to pick me up. I can't tell you how happy I was to see them. I leapt into the car and wanted to hug all of them and tell them how much I loved them.

I miss them.

Lawful

Last night I was text messaging with Lawful and he ended up calling me and leaving a voicemail message while I was working and telling me that our schedules are probably going to conflict this week, but that he wanted to see me. He suggested I go up to his place of employment and after being at work until 7pm and knowing there was going to be nothing good on TV and also I was hungry...I made my over to Oakhurst.

I walk in and he's pleasantly surprised to see me. Gives me a big hug and a kiss on the neck. I think our make-out sessions are well documented and to be honest, I was miffed I didn't get a peck, but I realize he was working.

I stayed and drank a Malbec and had some pretzel bread. Blogged. He'd come over to chat every now and again and I started thinking about how nice it is when someone is actually appreciative of your visit - invited, but not entirely announced.

It make me realize how different people can be.

And how lovely Lawful is.

We have tentative plans for Saturday.

I text J and N when I got home. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was my mood, but I am starting to find Lawful hotter by the second - in that nasty southern rocker man kind of way.

that was fast

I wrote a blog last night chronicling (is that how you spell that? anyway) the past few days and my feelings about S and it was indexed by Google. Full name and all. I couldn't believe it.

Now I know that dude hasn't been nice to me, but I am very protective of information like that. This blog was intended for my friends to read. I wouldn't want S reading about himself like that or anyone else.

I saved the blog somewhere safe and maybe one day I'll repost it because they are MY feelings, I just didn't realize my feelings could be made so public.

I don't apologize to S for this and taking down the blog post is not my way of protecting him. It's a way of protecting me from any further humiliation and drama.