grammy's

okay, i haven't blogged through an event in awhile, but the grammy's are warranted.

so gaga is up first and her outfit is so hysterical. i think her unitard thing may have turned into a thong on both the front and the back because CBS hasn't panned downwards in awhile. HAHA!

now elton john has joined her and they are butchering Your Song. Awful.

why is stephen colbert hosting the grammy's?

did you all know green day was my first concert ever? true story. now someone tell me why american idiot is being made into a musical? was this authorized by green day? punk goes broadway. cool.

www.lincoln.com/music - VOTE SIA!

oh god. here comes beyonce. i hate her. so much. i don't get the GI Joe's on stage with her. How do they fit? They don't. Why is her hair blonde? What is wrong with naturally black hair? What's with all the writhing on the stage? I hope she hits her head and passes out.

pink is a poor man's _____. I just haven't figured out who. this is some cirque de soleil shit.

Spring 2010 Couture - Best Of

Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel

photos by Monica Feudi for GoRunway.com

There were 65 individual looks coming down the runway at Chanel's spring 2010 couture show. I only liked 6. Most bored me - the beginning of the show was mostly a revamp, "modernized", sexier basic Chanel suit. Zzz Z Zzz Zzzz! The hair also kills me. Like giant Hello Kitties. Stupid.

Spring 2010 Couture Shows - Best Of

Elie Saab
photos by Marcio Madeira

This collection should be titled "Why you should want to be a Hollywood movie star!"

Spanx Slimming Swimsuits

Bandeau One Piece, $178

Spanx Swimwear? No brainer! BRILL!

Spring 2010 Couture Shows - Best Of

John Galliano for Christian Dior
photos by Monica Feudi for GoRunway.com

Is it odd that this makes me even more excited for the Disney/Tim Burton release of Alice in Wonderland?

Haiti

The situation is so heartbreaking.

If you haven't given yet, there is still time. Give to people who desperately need $10 more than you need to go out and see a movie in the theatre.

I was watching Today last week and Anne Curry had taken pictures and video of her time down there and there was one video that totally broke my heart.

A little girl, no older than my niece, had lost her mother to the earthquake and is, understandably, still in shock and has called out for her mother all day every day since. However, when a woman comes near her she starts crying so hard her little body shakes because it isn't her mother and her mother is never coming back.

I just wanted to scoop her up and tell her it would be okay, but it won't.

Please give as much as you can.

I'm sorry

I disappointed you and I disappointed myself.

Stick with me. I love you.

CB

WARNING! Turbulence Ahead

Today hasn't been the best day ever and we're only 2 hours in.
I walked in this morning with a Chocolate Louise cake from Alon's for one of my favorite coworkers and was not in more than 10 minutes when my not favorite coworker comes wailing into the main area where I sit very loudly and tearfully asking people for boxes because she's just been laid off. When I was let go from my last job, I cried, but I tried not to let people see me. I also didn't scream and wail about it not being fair and how embarrassed I was because they kept the new kids who didn't have as much experience. It was pretty awful. She's gone now.

My boss then calls me into his office and asks me to close the door. I am not worried about my job - I know I'm doing well, but I'm worried about what's coming next. What more could there be? Turns out another one of my most favorite coworkers, employee #3, is leaving to start his own company. I wish him all the luck in the world, but I will certainly miss him. He's such a great guy.

Because it's been such a suck day, we've been told to leave early. Mondays man. They are killer.

OK Chemistry Cupid

God. I have unwillingly signed up for Chemistry and OKCupid - online dating sites.

I'm already disenchanted. I just don't believe this is how you meet people.

Bleh.

Running

I am running the ING Georgia Half-Marathon and the TryCharleston Sprint to run you out of my system.

Blocked

Asshole you've been blocked from Facebook.
From IM - both your regular IM and the IM you created for me (presumably because you didn't want anyone to see I was IMing you. Maybe? Who fucking cares).
From my phone.
Fuck you.
I am glad I am not your wife.

Lies

I have been trying to write this blog post for awhile now. I just didn't know how it would start or end. Now I know. Maybe I also didn't want to open myself up to judgement. Then I realized this is my blog. My musings on my life. Read it or don't.

Since mid-December 2009 I have been in a physical relationship with someone any ethical person would consider off limits. As in married. Yesterday, I ended it. The funny thing is, I wouldn't have had he not said to me what he did yesterday. I wish I had saved the conversation so that I could cut and paste it here. So you could see for yourself how cold someone can be. I have honestly never been spoken to in that way. I start crying when I think of it.

When we entered into our "relationship" he asked me if he needed to worry about me getting hurt. I told him no. This is where I went wrong because I have never been able to separate my emotions from physical attraction. I don't think anyone can. I take that back. He can. He's the only one I know. Yesterday I alluded to an emotional reaction I had to something he said to me and it snowballed completely out of control. It very quickly went from me saying "I feel this way about this thing you said to me" to him basically saying "You are fun, but after I fuck you, I don't think about you". He has his life and I am.... I don't know. Nothing. This kills me because as big of a deal he made about me getting "emotional" and him not being that way, he said and did all the right things when we weren't in bed together. He pursued me and when I showed interest, I became the nut job.

I know that I was a willing participant. This was wrong of me to do, but it doesn't mean he should feel like he did nothing wrong, like he didn't profoundly hurt me, like he can be so callous.


Further than what I've said, I don't want to talk about this. When I'm ready I will, but for now I really don't have the words.
I'm struggling with my feelings. I hate myself for what I did. Hate myself for my stupidity. I am extremely hurt by what he said to me yesterday. I have been crying and sleeping. I wake up and want to pretend like it was all a dream. But it wasn't.

I would tell you not to judge me, but my guess is you already have.
I don't care. You are free to think of me what you want. It's not anything I haven't already thought of myself.

Guilt

On Monday I stayed home and didn't do any work.
On Tuesday I stayed home and worked.
On Wednesday I went back in to work.
On Thursday I went back in to work.
It's Friday and I'm working from home again but not because I'm sick. Because Atlanta is one sheet of black ice.
But I feel guilty. Even though my boss wrote us and told us to use our best judgement about coming in and working from home if we couldn't. Even though I'm working from home and am more productive without all the distractions and disruptions. I still feel guilty. Why?
I work too much as it is. There are people in my office who don't work enough. Yet I'm sitting here feeling guilty. Not right.

Night and Day

Mama C told me this was a 2 day virus. I wanted to believe her but the way I felt yesterday made me doubt her. Mama C will be a mama in May, she's got the mama gene, so I should have believed her because mamas are always right.

On Monday I wanted to die. On Tuesday I was telling people who asked me what they could do to bring me a gun. Today? Back to normal. I haven't had a recovery like that...well... ever. It's a miracle!

Stomach Flu

I woke up this morning writhing in pain. My stomach was making noises I'd never heard before. I felt like my insides were going to bust out of my stomach. I want to vomit but I can never force that. If it happens it happens, but I try to keep it in. WARNING TMI COMING!!! I have the worst diarrhea EVER. I am disgusted by the idea of food but have been forcing down Ritz and Schwepp's. Stomach flu. I've never had it this bad. I am freezing. My body aches. I want my mango. Not a great way to start 2010.

I'm never more aware of being single as when I'm ill. My friends are fantastic. Mama C just brought me Gatorades and Pepto, but she can't rub my belly or get in bed with me and stroke my hair and tell me I'll be okay. I mean she could, but thats kinda kinky and inappropriate. Anyway!

James Cameron Train

So I'm not ready to get on the James Cameron train but I just watched Avatar in 3-D at Phipps with Yones and I'm officially amazed.

It's also cold as shit outside just in case you were wondering.

Pinkie

Woke up this morning and my right eye wouldn't open. Completely crusted shut.
Grossed out? How the hell do you think I feel? NASTY

What Did You Do...?

Every NYE I give my brain some exercise trying to remember what I did the year before. Here's to helping jumpstart the memory:

I spent NYE 2009 working the first half of the day. I am hoping this changes in 2010. I mean, not even Caribou is open all day. I don't understand why we even work this week. Pointless.

The second half of the day was spent watching the Chik-fil-A Bowl parade at Centennial Park with my nephew, sister and my sister's boyfriend. We walked to the Hard Rock cafe downtown to eat (never been to the one here - haven't either? you're not missing anything), walked back to Centennial Park and went to the Coca Cola museum (so much fun!), then home for dinner, a nap and bowl game watching (HOKIES! 34 - 17 over UT), then back out to Underground Atlanta for the Peach Drop (bizarre, but fun)!

Happy New Year!

I promised you I'd be back. Here I am.

Every year I say - THIS WILL BE MY YEAR!!! - and every year I am let down with some crappy excuse for a year filled with heartache and disappointment.

My dear friend, Jae Yung, reminded me to reflect on 2009 before going into 2010. What would make a year "mine"? What would make it good? What I found upon reflection is that 2009 wasn't all that bad. In fact, it was pretty AWESOME!

Why?

I bought a house! Well, a condo, but a dwelling all my own nonetheless. I am furnishing slowly but surely and it looks fantastic!

I have a great job. I work for someone I respect and I get paid good money to do what I love doing. Not bad!

I have supportive and loving family and friends!

I got rid of people that hurt me - FINALLY!

See?! Not a bad year!

Thanks to you all. More to come in 2010!